Harry Potter and the Chamber of Febreze
by Lady Andares
Summary: This is what happens when the Culens go to Hogwarts. Also Voldemort gets reincarnated as a leperchaun
1. Chapter 1

The train whistle blew as the Hogwarts express left the station slowly. Harry was off to another year of cavorting and frolicking, and thwarting Voldemort's plots when he had the time. His best friends were there; you know them, Ron and Hermoine. Harry was staring out the window, Hermoine was staring at her new textbooks, and Ron was staring at a box of chocolate frogs sitting in Harry's lap. The scene outside the train was familiar, parents waving to their kids, and the occasional paranoid mother running beside the train asking her son or daughter if they remembered everything. Harry sighed, and longed for his own parents.

Harry's head sprung up as five blurs sped past the window, tossing one paranoid mother to the ground, leaving her scrambling for her purse. Harry heard five thumps and someone that sounded like Draco Malfoy saying "Holy Crap!"

"Did you see the blurs?" asked Harry, looking at Hermoine, who had taken her nose out of her book and started looking towards the door, furrowing her brow.

"Who are they?" asked Hermoine, spotting five people walking by their door, one of which glanced inside briefly. Ron was already looking out the door, ogling the two girls who had just walked past.

"Did you…did you see those chicks?" said Ron, eyes wide.

"Since when do you say chicks" said Harry, looking out the door himself, "Whoa, check out those chicks!"

"What's going on, who are they…Holy crap those guys are hot!" Hermoine had glanced out the door, and still stared.

There were two girls; one had long blonde hair and an expression that was arrogant, but not truly that self-absorbed. The other one smiled, and had spiky, short black hair, and wore a strange and expensive-looking outfit with the word Chanel written in small letters on the front. There were three boys, one with bronze curls and who had already gathered a crowd of groupies hanging on his every move. One had curly brown hair and was so broad he almost had to step sideways to walk through the narrow hall. The last one had a disposition that reminded you of a prairie dog, since he never seemed to blink, and kept biting his lip and flinching at the groupies that had accumulated at his side. All of them had supermodel bodies, and faces like angels. They were extremely pale, and their eyes were a strange golden color.

Ron had already pushed by Hermoine and was running to join the group of guys who were already hitting on the two girls. Harry just gaped at the gorgeous girls, while Hermoine seemed to be struggling with herself not to go running to the boys.

Suddenly everyone seemed to scatter, as Severus Snape himself came walking in. The groupies dispersed, and Harry and Hermoine pulled their heads back in. The mysterious people walked by back the way they had come, and stopped at their door. Ron and Harry tried not to stare much, since it was rude. Hermoine buried her nose in a book to try and distract herself, though anyone could tell she struggled since her eyes kept wandering from the pages. The door slid open, and the group stepped in, towing their relatively big luggage, the largest of which was the spiky haired girl's. Snape slammed the door shut and the people put their luggage away, sitting down and saying nothing.

It was silent for a while as the train left London, until the Blonde girl spoke up angrily, "You know my face is up here! If you're going to stare, be polite." She scoffed. Ron Looked away quickly, trying to hide his redden cheeks. The bronze-haired one started to chuckle under his breath. "Shut up Eddy." Said the blonde again, folding her arms.

The awkward silence continued, and the prairie dog boy started to twiddle his thumbs. Hermoine broke the silence.

"Well um, I guess we should introduce ourselves. Um, I'm Hermoine, that's Harry, and that guy is Ron." She said sighing when she finished, as if it were the hardest thing to do what she just did. Ron raised his eyebrows in shock at Hermoine's courage.

The spiky haired one smiled. "Hi Hermoine, I'm Alice, this is Jasper, that's Emmett, Edward, and Rosalie." Emmett smiled, Jasper twitched, Rosalie gave a half-hearted hmm and glanced out the window, and Edward gave a half smile, not even looking up.

Ron cleared his throat and boldly asked, "So, where are you all from?"

"Well that's certainly a change from 'Holy crap! Out of the way Malfoy, she doesn't want to talk to wusses.'" Said Rosalie, inspecting her perfect nails.

"Rose!" said Emmett, "We're from Forks, in Washington."

Hermoine looked puzzled, "But you're going to Hogwarts."

"Foreign exchange students," said Jasper, quickly as if he were permanently in a rush.

"Do you already know your houses?" asked Hermoine.

"Nah, we're being picked with the first-years, and we'll be starting out in sixth year." Said Edward.

Hermoine was alarmed at how well he knew how Hogwarts worked.

"Tell me about what it looks like." Said Alice, looking at Hermoine with interest.

"Don't you know?"

Emmett shook his head in sync with Jasper and Alice. So for a portion of the remainder of the ride, Hermoine described some of the school, leaving gaps for surprises. Though in the middle of her description a certain greasy haired Slitherin boy named Malfoy interrupted her, along with his goons, Crabbe and Goyle.

"Hello Potter," said Malfoy with such contempt he spewed spittle all over Alice's outfit. Alice shrieked and pulled a silk handkerchief from one of her many pockets, and started frantically wiping off the goo.

"Oh sorry ma'am," said Malfoy, putting his hand on her shoulder, while Jasper snarled under his breath at Malfoy. Alice flicked away his hand and Malfoy winced in pain as he saw her finger had bruised his grimy fingers.

"Sorry, my finger…slipped." She smiled a lovely smile at him and continued to wipe her outfit with increased vigor.

Malfoy put his hand at his side, trying to look strong and unharmed.

"Hello, their miss, I'm Draco Malfoy."

Rosalie scoffed, "You mean that guy who was first in line to hit on me? Well sorry, but I'm taken." She took Emmett's hand and smiled smugly at Malfoy. Malfoy glanced toward Alice, and She took Jasper's hand and smiled smugly like Rosalie.

Malfoy glanced at Edward, "Don't even think about it, I'm not gay." Said Edward. Hermoine giggled.

Malfoy changed the subject, "So what house do you think you'll be in?"

"Anything but your's" said Rosalie, releasing Emmett's hand.

"Definitely." Agreed Alice.

After a few more hopeless attempts at attention, Malfoy finally left, and Hermoine resumed her talk about Hogwarts. A few people stared inside before being shooed away by a sour glance from Rosalie.

Soon the train stopped, and the new people grabbed their wands from a velvet-lined suitcase within the luggage of Alice.

"You know Alice, you don't need to carry your wand around in velvet all the time." Said Jasper.

"I thought you of all people would understand my obsession for velvet casing." Alice sniffed.

They got off the train with the new people, and they walked over to join the first years while Harry, Ron, and Hermoine rode with the sixth years.


	2. Chapter 2

The tables were full, except for the empty spaces left for the new people. Everyone was yelling across the table about this and that, laughing and crying, and picking their noses. A hush fell over the crowd as Dumbledore, the headmaster stepped up to give his opening speech, and all that was heard was faint, hissy whispering of the few who still had much to talk about.

The speech started off with the usual welcome, then talking briefly about the first years. Then he turned the subject onto the new people.

"As you may know," he began, "There was quite a rumpus on the train earlier today, as Professor Snape has told me. I presume you've all met the five newcomers. Something very different is happening this year, as Hogwarts has adopted the foreign exchange student program. Those five you met are the result of the program."

After more talk about various adjustments to the school, the first years came in, staring at everything with awe. Behind the entire group were the foreign exchange students. All eyes were on them, and everyone noticed the applause was more scattered than years before. After much selecting, it finally came to the new people's turn.

"Jasper Hale," said Mcgonagall. Jasper walked up stiffly and sat down while the hat was placed on his head. Moments later the hat screamed, "Ravenclaw!" A chorus of squealing came fro the girls seated at Ravenclaw, mingled with the chorus of disappointment emanating from the other three tables.

"Edward Cullen," Edward sat with the hat on his head, contemplating whether his ego belonged in Slitherin or Gryffindor. Eventually the hat screamed "Gryffindor!" Again a chorus louder than Jasper's came from the Gryffindor table, and a thump or two of girls swooning with glee, if that's possible. He sat beside Harry, Ron and Hermoine, as he knew them already.

"Emmett Cullen," after a few moments the hat screamed, "Hufflepuff!" and once again there came the thump of swooning girls and squeals of excitement as he stood up and went to take his seat.

"Alice Cullen," Alice walked up and noticeably cringed when the grimy old hat was placed on her head. The hat gave its verdict, "Ravenclaw" Alice beamed with glee, because she was put with Jasper, or because she got the stinky old hat off her head, is unknown. A wave of whistling came from the boys of Ravenclaw as she walked and took her place beside Jasper.

"Rosalie Hale," Rosalie grimaced as the boys of the schools whistled incessantly at her every move.

"Please, be polite," yelled Mcgonagall

The hat screamed, "Hufflepuff!" Rosalie snarled at all the boys who chose to whistle as she took her seat beside Emmett.

And so the feast began. The dinner topic was the newcomers, as was expected.

At the Ravenclaw table, Alice regretted having chosen her seat right across from Cho Chang, since ever since jasper sat down, she had been asking him question after question, desperate to get a reaction from him either than a quick answer before staring at the food. Luckily Cho slowed down her questions when she realized Jasper and Alice were together, but nonetheless still tried to pry Alice off a little bit.

"Oh god, these uniforms are disgusting, I mean who designed them; Valentino when he was drunk? No, that would still look good. Ugh." Said Alice.

"Well you look good in anything Alice." Said Jasper, in a slower tone of voice.

"Hear, Hear," said the boy across from Jasper. Jasper snarled and the boy shut up.

Meanwhile at the Hufflepuff table, things were much quieter when it came to flirting, since every male at the table was afraid of being crushed into Macdonald's secret sauce if they said anything to Rosalie. Though the mood relaxed afterward when Emmett started socializing. Rosalie was relatively silent, and preferred to talk to the girls, since they didn't flirt with her.

At the Gryffindor table there was a giant conversation going on, and Edward was talking too much for Edward. He was more open to conversation than the others, since he was single [at the time]. When he pulled out a family photo of all the Cullens, some girls stole it, and he didn't get it back until he got to the dormitories.

It was a long night, and Harry thought it would never end. At the dormitories, Edward sat down in the sitting room and sat staring at the fire. Harry, Ron, and Hermoine came in to sit with him. It was extremely late, and all the girls had given up ogling Edward.

"You didn't eat." Said Harry.

He shrugged, "Wasn't hungry."

"I was starving!" said Ron; eating some muffins he had sneaked into his pocket during the feast.

"You're always starving, Ron." Said Hermoine, rolling her eyes then turning her attention back to Edward.

"It must be fun to have all those girls trailing behind you." Said Harry, unsure how Edward would take his statement.

"I'm used to it. It's worse than my old school though."

"Well all the girls at the school haven't had a guy to drool about since Cedric Diggory died." Said Hermoine, choosing not to continue with the subject when she remembered how Harry felt about it, "Oh, the girls have finished looking at your family photo. Sorry about the missing faces." Indeed the girls had cut out the faces of all of the Cullen family, and what was left of the photo was greasy from all the fingers handling it.

Edward sighed, "Oh well, I knew that was going to happen. At my old school I never got the photo back, so that's why I made duplicates." He pulled a neat stack of photos, all identical to what the cut-up family photo used to be, out of his pocket.

Harry yawned, "Better get to sleep. You coming?"

"No, I'll come up later."

"Want some grub?" said Ron, his mouth spilling crumbs on Edward's robes.

"No thanks."

Everyone but Edward retreated to the dormitories.

Meanwhile: in Ravenclaw.

"Oh my god! Are those _silk _pyjamas?" said the girl who slept in the bed beside Alice—who Alice already had befriended for her knowledge of designers and expensive clothing.

"Yes they are, actually. I got them custom done, since they'll be sooo last season by the end of the year, and this way they'll still look good…ish," said Alice, ignoring the confused faces of her roommates.

Cho slept on the bed opposite from Alice, glaring at her menacingly.

The girl on the other side of Alice boldly asked, "What's with Jasper? He seemed…prairie-dog like."

"Oh, he just…um…he's just shy around new people…yeah." Said Alice.

The girls of Ravenclaw stayed up until midnight, before Alice finally finished giving them quick makeovers and gossiping in the endless way that only Alice can master. Pretty soon after the girls were asleep, and Alice was fake sleeping, fretting more over the hideous uniforms.

Things were far quieter in the boy's dormitories, as everyone was drowsy and full, and some of the boys were already asleep. Jasper flinched angrily as the boys of Ravenclaw debated over who was hotter; Rosalie, or Alice.

"I say the blonde one's prettier." Said one boy.

"Nah, the black haired one is smokin'," said another.

"You're just saying that because you're afraid the blonde one's boyfriend will crush you into MacDonald's secret sauce." Said another guy.

Conversation of this sort had been going on for a long while, and eventually the boys of Ravenclaw had started yelling, rousing the sleepers from their slumber, and bringing more people into the argument.

All the openly talking about Alice had started to vex Jasper, but controlling himself, he remained calm and pretended to sleep, when a boy asked him a question.

"So, new guy. Which chick is hotter? The blonde or the black?" asked one daring guy.

"Shut up, and stop debating whether my sister, or my girlfriend are hotter." Yelled Jasper, with more emotion than he had shown all that day, "Arseholes," he muttered under his breath, before falling into a fake sleep.

That shut them up.

Meanwhile: Hufflepuff.

Rosalie was being as non-social as could be, answering only yes or no questions. Of all the girl's dormitories, Hufflepuff was the quietest, for even though Emmett was all the way in the boy's dormitories, they feared Rosalie's connection with him.

Emmett was trying to lighten the mood, as the only subject in all three houses that night was the Cullens. No one dared talk, since the subject would no doubt slide over to the subject of Rosalie and Alice, and with the hulk—who still looked surprisingly good in PJs—watching them; no one dared to breath loud enough for him to hear.

Perhaps that's an exaggeration, since it was all talk after Emmett broke the silence.

"Come on, I know you want to talk about Rosalie. I don't mind really. I'm used to it." Said Emmett. Still the silence remained unbroken.

"Okay, if nobody's going to talk, I guess I'll just have to do something about that. If none of you talk now, I'm going to break your jaws." There was an awkward silence before Emmett started laughing so loud you'd think the castle would crumble, "Okay, okay I was just kidding, but seriously say something."

After a long silence, one guy decided to speak, "So…who do you like more, Alice or Rosalie."

And from then, the conversation went as late as Alice's makeovers did in Ravenclaw.


	3. Chapter 3

Harry's first class was Herbology. He gathered his books and threw on his robes. Meeting up with Hermoine and Ron outside the Gryffindor door, they made their way to breakfast. Edward still ate nothing, but Harry, Ron and Hermoine just let it pass. After breakfast, they headed over to Herbology. Even before Alice found them, they could hear the clicking of her heels as she glided to their side.

"Hello Alice," said Hermoine.

"Hi! Are you going to Herbology too?" she asked.

"Yes actually," said Harry.

"Do you want me to carry your books?" asked Ron, still not over his infatuation with the Cullen girls. As if in response to his question, Jasper appeared beside him, plucking Alice's many books from her arms, and glancing menacingly at Ron.

Alice smiled and shrugged at Ron, "So how badly did the girls over at Gryffindor treat Edward?"

"Not too bad. He got his family photo back, but it was missing the faces. Luckily he had duplicates," answered Harry.

"Yeah, we made duplicates too," Alice and Jasper both pulled out identical, neat stacks of photos.

Hermoine raised an eyebrow, "So what do you have after Herbology?"

"Potions," said Jasper, in his quick voice. A group of gossiping girls gasped and giggled as Jasper's gaze passed over them.

Alice and Jasper waved to Rosalie and Emmett as they passed by on their way to Defence Against the Dark Arts; Edward also passed by, running swiftly to escape his groupies.

Eventually they reached Herbology, but not without many interruptions by infatuated students. Alice was squeamish all through Herbology, and panicked greatly when some soil fell on her white shoes.

It was the same predicament as before on their way to potions; guys swarming Alice, and girls giggling shyly behind Jasper. They saw Edward again, finding refuge behind a large statue as they passed by.

"Poor guy," said Hermoine, as Edward started running again as one girl spotted him.

The Potions room was in the dungeons, as we know. But even though in the sixth book, there is a new potions teacher, in this parody, Snape still befouls the potions classes. Harry, Ron, Hermoine, Alice and Jasper all arrived three minutes late.

Snape scowled as they made their way to their desks. Harry scowled as he realized Malfoy was in their potions class.

"Welcome back Mr. Potter," he said in his annoying, spiteful voice, "Hermoine, Ron. Welcome Alice and Jasper." However polite this might sound, he said it with so much spite he accidentally spat on Malfoy's face, as he was sitting in the front row.

Malfoy squirmed and Snape continued, "Open your books to page…" Harry still had trouble staying awake during Snape's sermons, or however you'd like to call them. Alice kept wrinkling her nose at Snape's hair and horrid fashion sense.

Alice gasped with relief when Potions Class finally ended. Snape took note of this, and from then on had a permanent grudge towards Alice Cullen. Their next class was with Professor Trelawney for Divination (and anyone who's read Twilight will _know _Alice will totally ace that subject).

Alice was quite delighted about divination, and rushed to the class. As you could have guessed, Trelawney and Alice were quick to become friends.

Their first activity in Divination was pairing up with someone else and telling their fortunes in one-way or another. Alice pretended to read the leaves at the bottom of the teacup. Her partner was an enthusiastic Seamus Finnegan.

"There will be a food fight at lunch today, and you will get spaghetti in your face." Said Alice. Seamus wrinkled his brow and looked in his books. The leaves actually said Seamus Finnegan would grow up to be a hot dog vendor, but since Divination was his weakness, he read the leaves to be about his rise into royalty by marrying a princess of some sort.

Eventually, after much more leaf reading and plenty of palm-reading and other things of the sort, and many other classes, lunchtime came. Edward sat with Harry and the gang, just like breakfast and dinner the night before.

"We saw you running from the girls today. You must be exhausted!" said Hermoine, "Eat something, it's good for you." Edward sighed, hesitated, then grabbed a muffin from the tray in front of him and took a nibble. He hid a grimace, and Hermoine was about to comment when a fight erupted at the Slitherin table. From what Harry could see, Pansy Parkinson was drenched in pumpkin juice, and throwing spaghetti at Malfoy. Harry laughed as some runaway spaghetti hit Cho at the Ravenclaw table. Cho threw back and hit Goyle. Goyle threw muffins and hit Jasper in the face. Jasper threw back the muffin and knocked out Goyle, who had a mush of what used to be a muffin on his forehead.

Crabbe thought this looked fun, and chucked a handful of meatballs at Alice, who had already known this would happen and dodged. The meatballs hit Emmett, and he laughed and hurled cookies at Crabbe. Crabbe was knocked out like Goyle, and pretty soon after the whole school joined in the fight.

Edward was having loads of fun, finding this to be an excuse for not eating, since once they were throwing, there was no food left. When the teachers started their attempt to calm them down, they joined in too (courtesy of Jasper, as we know).

Ron saw Alice grin from across the room as Seamus Finnegan took a handful of spaghetti to the face. Alice was spotlessly clean (and we all know why) except for her hands, which were covered in tomato sauce. Rosalie was angrily chucking cookies and muffins at those who threw food at her.

After a little while, Dumbledore came in, and yelled his big "Silence!" as we may recognize from the movies. Almost everyone stopped, except for those who were mid-throw and had hit the people beside themselves. Everyone was red in the face, whether from exercise or tomato sauce.

"What is the meaning of this!" he asked. Malfoy was first to accuse.

"It was he! He threw his spaghetti at me," he said, pointing to Edward, who was at the opposite end of the great hall.

Dumbledore fumed, "How dumb do you think I am! How could he throw that from all the way across the great hall! Who really started this?" more than a dozen people pointed accusingly at Malfoy, one of which was Rosalie.

Dumbledore walked to Malfoy, grabbed him by the ear and dragged him away.

The teachers then ordered all the students to the dormitories to clean up. All the way to the dormitories, there was chatter and laughing, and in some cases, some girls like Alice fretted over their robes.

There were no more classes for the rest of the day, as the washrooms were full, and half the school hadn't even showered by dinner. So Dumbledore had dinner delayed.

At dinner Malfoy wasn't present, so there was no food fight. Dinner was quiet, and that night, everyone just went straight to sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

The following morning, the Cullens were missing. Alice had gotten mail, and the girl who slept beside Alice brought it to Alice's bunk after breakfast. Nobody had seen the Cullens go, and many of the girls of Hogwarts were disappointed. It was about two hours after a food-fight-free lunch that they came back. When people asked them where they'd been, they did not answer.

All of the Cullens were headed to Hagrid's hut for their next lesson. Harry, Ron and Hermoine showed the way. Hagrid greeted the class and began his lesson.

"Today we'll be looking at constantly ignored oddities. Merpigs, for example" like a mermaid, but with the body of a pig and the tail of a fish, "but those are too easy, so we'll start with something a little bit harder. He took out a crowbar and walked over to a crate. All of the class instinctively stepped back. The Cullens didn't move, just staying where they were, three metres from the crate. Alice wrinkled her brow for a moment, and then whispered something quickly to the rest of her family. They shrugged and stepped back.

Hagrid wrenched open the crate with a soft grunt, and smoke concealed the creature inside for a moment. As the smoke disappeared, they saw a curled up dragon, barely bigger than a wheelbarrow. The students laughed, but not because this was supposedly the gentlest-looking creature they had ever experienced in all their classes with Hagrid, but for another reason. The creature had appeared to be sleeping, it's head concealed. But once the crate was open it was roused from its sleep. It raised its head; a rabbit's head.

"This is a Drabbit; half dragon, half rabbit. He can't fly, but he can jump over the castle in a single bound. Also, as you can see, he has the head of a rabbit. He's strictly a vegetarian." Said Hagrid. The students murmured amongst themselves and stepped a bit closer. The Cullens were still the closest still.

All of a sudden, the Drabbit shot out a jet of flame. All the students jumped back, while the Cullens merely played along.

"That's part of the dragon half," said Hagrid, tossing a cabbage to the creature. It devoured it hungrily.

"He's quite feisty," said Rosalie.

"She, actually. See how she's brown colored. Males would come in all the colors of the rainbow." Said Hagrid; and so began a long lecture on the life and times of Drabbits.

The rest of the day went smoothly, and at dinner Alice was skipping to the Ravenclaw table with her mail—of which was a new pair of white pumps; identical to the pair she spoiled on her first day.

Something odd—but relatively expected—happened that dinner. The boys of Hogwarts had almost forgotten their fear of Emmett, and openly enjoyed his company.

"So anyway, Seamus tells me he got a kiss from that Alice girl from Ravenclaw." Said a boy.

"He's a lying idiot," said another.

"I suppose he must be, since he also tells me the Blonde Bitch has been snogging everyone in Hogwarts."

Emmett stopped smiling at a joke he heard when he overheard this. "What was that?" asked Emmett.

The boys looked at Emmett, and fear crossed their faces. For the briefest moment they though he actually was the Hulk. "What did you just call Rosalie?" Privately Rosalie was feeling smug, and rather pompous, as a lead cheerleader might feel dating the quarterback—we all know that cliché.

"Oh, um…well…it's just a nickname we…I mean…Malfoy started it!!" said the guy, bracing himself for an attack.

Emmett scowled and sat back down, "You'd better be telling the truth, cus' I have many methods of interrogation." He took a large chicken leg and waved it threateningly as if it were a club. Rosalie struggled to hide her smug smile.

The day was uneventful, except that Alice's shoes barely missed the Drabbit's fire earlier in the day, and she had to restrain herself from punishing the Drabbit—who's name was Gertrude.

There he was, standing there in his green suit and shamrock hat, holding up a long kitchen knife and grinning evilly from ear to ear. His bushy red beard seemed too big for his teddy-bear-sized body, threatening to weigh him down. He cackled "Hoi-tee-toi!" he said in a distinct Irish accent.

Harry screamed and the Leperchaun disappeared in a mist of green shamrocks.

He woke up sweaty and panting.

There it was! Standing over him, with an even _bigger _kitchen knife than he dreamed. He screamed even louder than in his dream. Edward was there in a moment, holding up a steel baseball bat, and clubbed the leprechaun away.

Then it begun.

The scene then was like watching Yoda and Darth Vader duelling, only the Leperchaun was Yoda with a kitchen knife, and Edward was Darth Vader in dark red pyjamas with a baseball bat. Edward lunged for the Leperchaun, but even with his speed, the Leperchaun dodged his bat and lunged back at him with the kitchen knife. Edward narrowly missed the blade (not that it would have caused him any harm). Edward swung at the Leperchaun again, and winded it for the briefest moment, and picked it up by the leg before the Leperchaun got its breath back. This went on for who knows how long.

By the time it was the middle of the fight, everyone in Gryffindor was there, watching the fight, including some of the teachers, who were trying to convince Edward that they could handle the Leperchaun, but Edward was far too busy to take notice. By the time the fight seemed to be coming to a close, about half of the spectators had already placed bets—most of which were for Edward. Finally, the Leperchaun seemed to give up, as it scampered to the window with an injured leg, threw open the window and leapt away, out the window. The crowd gathered to watch it fall, and saw a little green dot flying away on a weird kind of magic carpet that looked like a rainbow.

"What the hell was that!" said Harry, after thanking Edward.

"Leperchaun, of all people I should know better than most," said Seamus Finnegan, the Irish Gryffindor lad.

"But why would a Leperchaun attack Harry," said Ron, swallowing—he eats when he's nervous, and when he's excited, and at every other point in his life.

"I don't know, but that Leperchaun is a damn good fighter," Said Edward, stroking the dents on his baseball bat, "It also seems to have a really hard head, look at these dents!"

"Well whatever it is, I don't want to go to sleep now." Said Harry.

After the teachers ushered the students back to their beds, there was a constant murmuring for two hours about the fight, and the clink of money from the bets being passed about. After a struggle to stay awake, Harry finally managed to drift off into a light sleep.


	5. Chapter 5

**NOTE: Just so I don't have to repeat myself in the story too many times, some things in this story are not based on the books, so if somethings I say happened haven't happened in Twilight or Harry Potter, please don't mind.**

The hot topic that morning was the Leperchaun. If you listened to the entire great hall at once, all you could really hear was, "Blah…Leperchaun…I know! Leperchaun…Leperchaun…blah…Leperchaun…" and so on. In the middle of an interesting breakfast of green eggs and ham, Dumbledore stepped up in front of the great hall to make an announcement.

"Attention!" he said, "I know we're all going crazy over the events of last night in the Gryffindor house. But just be clear of what happened, as some of you may have made up stories, a student was attacked last night by the Leperchaun, and saved by another student. Pretty straightforward, so I don't want to hear any more nonsense of a blood-sucking Leperchaun with a jetpack and an AK-47. Thank you. Also one more thing, we have two new students, who are also a part of the foreign exchange student program. Their houses have already been chosen, just so you know. Please welcome, Bella Swan of Gryffindor, and Mike Newton of Slytherin!" There was a mild applause as the two entered the great hall, and went to take their seats at their houses.

The Cullens all of a sudden went rigid, especially Jasper and Edward. They started sniffing the air nervously, and Jasper just remained more like a prairie dog than ever. Alice tried to distract herself by pretending the diamonds on her bracelet were not cut perfectly, and fiddling with her blood-red shoes.

Bella sat two spaces away from Ron, who was sitting two spaces from Edward, who was now tensed and had ceased describing the night's events.

It just so happened, that that very day was the Quidditch tryouts. All the Cullens—including Alice surprisingly, as she was afraid of dirt—decided to try out.

Note, in this story, there is a new broomstick, even faster than the Firebolt. It is the Jingleheimer Schmidt, named after the creator; John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt.

The Cullens entered the field (luckily it was cloudy that day) carrying their JS's (Jingleheimer Schmidts). Harry was there, trying to conceal his out-of-date Firebolt from the eyes of the Cullens. The Slytherin team had already been outfitted with JS's, and Malfoy smirked as Harry struggled for his Firebolt not to be seen. All the Cullens were wearing matching orange robes, courtesy of Alice. Alice had also taken the liberty of having their names inscribed with gold into the handles of their JS's. Edward gathered with the group of people trying out for the Gryffindor team. Seamus Finnegan was one of the people, and Neville had been dared to try, even though he was afraid of heights.

In Ravenclaw, Alice was trying out for Keeper. Jasper was trying out for Seeker. When it was Alice's turn to try, she swiftly flew out to the goal posts and deftly blocked every goal that came her way, through her talent at…Divination. She had—of course—not worn something too good in case of damage, and would burn the clothes once she had finished with them.

When it was Jasper's turn, he caught the snitch before Harry even moved. He was playing against Harry, to see how good he was, since he had beaten everyone else.

Alice became Keeper, and Jasper became seeker, much to the anger and jealousy of Cho, who was the current seeker until Jasper took her place.

Meanwhile, Emmett and Rosalie were trying for beaters on the Hufflepuff team. Emmett/the HULK accidentally hit one of the balls too hard during tryouts, and knocked out poor Neville. Rosalie was an excellent beater, but had a problem with her anger, and often just hit the ball into the path of a team-member out of anger at their flirtatious remarks about her body. They did pick her though, but only because of her remarkable aim with a bludger. Emmett made the team too, half because the team was afraid of him, half because he was damn good, and half because they were afraid of Rosalie's reaction if they put her with anybody but Emmett.

In Gryffindor, Edward and Harry faced off for the title of Seeker. Harry had everyone cheering for him, while all of the girls—who were outnumbered by the guys—cheered loudly for Edward. The Snitch was released, and like with Jasper, Edward caught it before Harry could move.

Eventually, after many re-tries by Harry, Harry caught it once, while Edward beat him each time but that once. Harry was more pissed than a bride who had been left standing at the altar.

"I'll get you for this, don't think I won't!" said Harry, stomping out angrily as Edward received many gazes of awe.

That day at dinner, Harry sat far away from Edward. He had chosen a seat beside Bella, because it was the farthest seat from Edward.

Bella half-smiled at him nervously and started to eat. There was an awkward silence between them for a long while.

Bella cleared her throat and wiped some sauce from her mouth, "I'm Bella, what's your name?"

Harry wrinkled his brow in surprise. Usually people who met him said something like, "Hello, I'm insert name here. Whoa! Crikey, you're Harry Potter!"

"I'm Harry Potter." He replied.

"Hmm, strange name. I never heard it before."

Harry choked on his pumpkin juice in shock, "WHAT! Whoa, you must NOT be from around here. Everyone knows my name, even people I'll never meet."

Bella smiled and grabbed a napkin for Harry, "Well, actually I'm from Forks Washington."

Harry didn't choke then, but only raised his eyebrows, "The Cullens are from Forks you know."

"Yeah I know. I only saw them once at school before they were transferred here. I got here later because I was flying economy class and switching flights everywhere. They, on the other hand, seem to have rented a private jet."

"Wait, wait, a private _jet!_ I mean, I knew they were rich, but not _stinking_ rich!"

"Yeah. Their dad is into medical stuff, as far as I know, and I don't know about their mom."

They chatted for a while until Bella mentioned Edward, "So, umm, it seems you know Edward. The girls at the table tell me that you are always sitting with your friends beside Edward."

"I hope he rots in Hell."

Bella looked mildly shocked, "Why? Oh I get it, he's stealing all the girls from you?"

Harry took a quick drink, "That, and the fact that he replaced me as Seeker on the Quidditch team."

"Quidditch?"

"You don't know what Quidditch is, do you."

"No, I just got here."

"Then I'll tell you." And so, Harry explained quidditch and told her about some quidditch-related stories of his.

During dessert, Edward came over to Harry's spot, openly ignoring Bella. "Harry, umm, sorry about the whole quidditch thing, I couldn't help but overhear," Harry raised an eyebrow and glanced across the room to Edward's spot at the other end of the table, "Don't ask, please. I just want to let you know, that I won't be able to play on sunny days, and neither will the rest of the family, so on those days, you play as Seeker on the team."

Harry was happier now, but merely grunted an answer. Edward walked off to his spot at the other end of the table, smiling.

Bella stared after him. "He didn't even acknowledge my existence." She said.

"Maybe he's just shy," said Harry, "He seems to be the only single Cullen."

When dinner was over, it was time for bed. Edward was in the common room before Bella even got there. The moment she entered, a blur whizzed from a seat by the fire up the stairs to the boys dormitories. Bella started disliking Edward slightly, but only out of annoyance.

That night there was no leperchaun, but Harry still did not sleep well.


	6. Chapter 6

The next morning at breakfast, Snape was rather angry. He strode over to the Ravenclaw table to where Alice was sitting, grumbling some more over the disgusting robes they had to wear.

"Miss Cullen, may I have a word?" Alice smiled and stood up, following Snape to a remote corner of the room. No one heard what Snape yelled at Alice. Then after much yelling, he slapped Alice across the face. Snape cringed and held his bruised hand. Emmett stood up and walked over to where Alice was pretending to be hurt.

"What's going on?" asked Emmett.

Snape straightened up and tried to look threatening to Emmett. The one problem with that was that Snape was usually taller than other people, and could strike fear into the heart of his enemies, by one glance up his nostrils; the problem now was that he had to look up Emmett's nostrils. "Alice has sent me this," he held out a hot-pink bottle of extra-strength, salon quality shampoo.

"So?" said Emmett, shrugging.

"I am very sensitive about my hair, and do not use shampoo," said Snape.

"Well Alice is very sensitive about hygiene, no matter who needs it."

"Then why would she send me this!" said Snape, producing a light pink suit with hot pink cuffs. No, she did not buy it from the women's section.

"I found your fashion sense absolutely atrocious!" said Alice, scrutinizing Snape's bland choice of style even more.

"Maybe you could have picked something other than _pink_!!" said Snape, twice as angry.

"What's your problem? Pink is a _manly_ color." Said Emmett, who had hot pink socks on.

"Don't sass me. Detention for both of you!" Snape walked back to his seat and Alice huffed back to hers. Emmett shrugged and walked back to sit beside Rosalie.

Harry watched as Snape sat back down and scrutinized the shampoo. He opened it and took a brief sniff of the cherry and lavender scented shampoo. He wrinkled his nose and took another whiff. For the rest of the time, Snape sniffed the shampoo, surprisingly enjoying the scent.

The day was uneventful, but the Cullens were not at Care of Magical Creatures that sunny day. That evening, Alice and Emmett went down to the dungeon to write lines. Alice had brought a pen, paper, and ink as Snape requested. Though I don't think Snape requested a gold-plated-diamond-studded fountain pen, strawberry-scented-light-pink paper, and dark-purple-lavender-scented ink. Emmett brought normal writing tools. Though his inkwell was made of titanium so he wouldn't crush it; likewise with his quill.

Snape walked in and Alice couldn't help but notice the volume that his hair had acquired, along with a scent of cherries and lavender. Alice didn't notice how the pink cuffs of the suit she had given him were slightly exposed at the ends of his sleeves.

"Well, this is a complete waste of my valuable time, babysitting you two."

"Hey, you're the one who gave us detention," said Emmett, leaning back in his chair.

Snape fumed, "I said not to sass me Mr. Cullen. I want you to write 'I will not sass the teachers' as many times as you can before your next class. Miss Alice, you must write 'I will not send Professor Snape shampoo, no matter how much he needs it' Am I making myself clear?"

They nodded. Alice took out her heart-shaped inkwell and placed it on the desk, then unscrewed the lid of her fountain pen, and started writing on a piece of pink paper. Snape sat at his desk supposedly reading "Why Muggles Suck" by Lucius Malfoy—though he was just using the trick where you have a book within a book; he was reading "Bratz the Movie Novel".

Before Snape had finished one page of his book—and note that a book like "Bratz the Movie Novel" has extremely large font—Alice had already flipped over to the other side of her piece of paper; likewise with Emmett. Snape looked up from his book and gasped.

Alice's hand whizzed across the page, writing what she was told to write in graceful, curly, and extremely small script. Snape stood up, not noticing that his book within a book had fallen and now lay exposed. Emmett did his best to stifle a laugh. Snape walked over and took one of Alice's completed sheets and squinted at the writing. Alice smiled and offered him her magnifying glass.

Snape raised an eyebrow and took it, holding it over the paper to see what he could see. He growled when he saw that Alice had actually written what he had told her to. Alice continued scribbling as Snape tossed the sheet back onto the pile of finished sheets.

Moving on to Emmett, he kept the magnifying glass in case his writing was as small as Alice. Though it turns out, in the Cullen family, writing is in proportion to the members. Emmett's writing was larger, but still neat. Snape growled and returned Alice's magnifying glass.

Soon after, the bell rung, and Alice hopped up and waved goodbye, gathering her scented stationary. Emmett followed suit and walked behind Alice, out the door.

The next class for Alice was Divination, and she met up with Jasper, who was walking with Harry, Ron and Hermoine. Edward joined them while they were climbing the stairs up to Divination.

"So, how was detention?" asked Edward.

"Interesting I suppose. I've never been to detention before." Said Alice.

Edward chuckled "I see Snape enjoyed your shampoo. He looks dashing in the suit."

"What are you talking about?" asked Harry when he heard Snape and Shampoo in the same sentence. Harry had partially forgiven Edward enough to pretend to be friends with him, as it gained him popularity.

"Umm…I was just…um…wondering what it would be like if…Snape…used the shampoo! Yes, good cover-up." Said Edward as Alice rolled her eyes, "Can it Alice."

"So anyway, I was thinking…umm…oh dear…Edward." Said Alice, looking suddenly worried.

Edward's smile vanished and there was no emotion on his face. There was no difference with Jasper when Edward muttered "blah, blah, blah, Bella's in Divination with us…blah, blah, blah." Jasper movements grew snappier as they heard Bella's fast approaching footsteps coming up the stairs.

"Umm, we're just gonna go ahead." Soon after Alice said that, the three Cullens disappeared with a barely visible blur. Harry ignored that and greeted Bella as she caught up with them.

"Oh god, is it always this hard to walk up the stairs to Divination?" asked Bella.

"Yup. You want some cheese and crackers?" asked Ron.

"You're allowed to bring food to class? Sweet!" said Bella.

"Not really, only if you hide It." Said Hermoine, "Just make sure Snape doesn't see, or you'll totally be doomed."

They reached the class. The only seats were three near Alice and Jasper, and one beside Edward.

"Where should we sit?" asked Bella.

"Well you can sit with Edward, since he did pretend you didn't exist, and now's the time to break the gap. We'll sit with Alice and Jasper."

"No offence, but you kind of sounded like a psychiatrist just then." Said Bella, walking over to the seat beside Edward. Edward was still as a statue. Bella put down her books and gave a small smile. Edward struggled to half-smile back.

Trelawney was late to get to the class. She came in and greeted everybody. "Hello class, good evening Alice, and welcome Bella." Trelawney began the lesson with a lecture on superstitions. Alice was avidly scribbling in her dark purple ink. Jasper was just relying on Alice's notes, and appeared focused in his prairie dog way. Edward was scribbling as furiously as Alice, but only for a distraction. Bella had started taking notes, but had dozed off into the world of doodles.

It was ten seconds to the bell, when Edward had already finished packing his things, and had almost stood up before the bell. If he could, he would have been sweating with nerves at the very moment. Exactly at the bell, the Cullens just disappeared.

"Whoa." Said Bella.


	7. Chapter 7

After that day in divination, Bella barely saw anything of the Cullens. A month and a half passed, and Bella only met them during Divination and Care of Magical Creatures. Harry and Bella were great friends by then, and had been "accepted" into the circle of friends that is Harry, Ron and Hermoine.

One morning, the students of Hogwarts were going to Hogsmeade for the day, as it was the weekend of Thanksgiving. The Cullens walked in the middle of the crowd of students, wearing evidently expensive Burberry Prorsum Coats. Alice was skipping, and holding the arm of a very stiff Jasper. Edward was trying to shoo Cho away by ignoring her the best he could without seeming rude. Emmett was laughing with the Hufflepuffs, and Rosalie just walked.

Harry was talking with Ron about the store his brothers ran, Weasley's Wizard Wheezes.

"So Fred says he plans to expand the store to build a shop in Hogsmeade. George doesn't want to though. He says there would be too much competition from Zonko's Joke Shop. So Fred gave up the idea and went back to developing his newest invention, exploding dinner plates. They just propel the food onto your face. They tried that on Mum, but it malfunctioned and landed in dad." Said Ron.

"Who's Fred?" asked Bella, who was obviously listening in.

"I am." Fred and George had been sitting outside The Three Broomsticks as the four were passing by.

"Fred, George, what are you doing here?" asked Ron.

"We've reconsidered opening a shop in Hogsmeade." Said George.

Bella looked confused, "I don't get it."

"Fred and George are my brothers," said Ron. Indeed, Bella could see the resemblance. As the Twins walked over to say hello to Bella, the approaching Cullens caught their eye.

"Ron, who are those chicks?" asked Fred. Hermoine rolled her eyes.

"They're the Cullens." Said Harry.

George whistled, "Whoa, how much did those shoes cost?" wondered George, glancing at Alice's deep purple, knee high leather boots with black fur trim.

"I was talking with her a couple days back, and she told me her parents had sent her those boots as a Thanksgiving present. Turns out you could buy a second-hand Ferrari with those boots." Said Hermoine, eyeing the boots jealously.

"Who's the big guy?" asked Fred.

"He's Emmett. The blonde girl is his girlfriend Rosalie. The bronze-haired one who's ignoring Cho is Edward. The one with the boots is Alice, and the prairie dog beside her is Jasper. He doesn't talk much." Said Ron, accepting a handful of Bernie Bott's Every Flavour Beans from George.

Alice spotted them and hopped over. "Hi Hermoine. I see you're wearing those shoes I lent you," said Alice, eyeing the—according to Alice—out of season black leather boots Hermoine had been so fond of.

Alice and Hermoine skipped off to tour Hogsmeade. The two had developed quite a friendship, and Hermoine could constantly be seen wearing Alice's unneeded designer apparel. Every second day, Alice got a package. One time, when the Cullens were absent in the morning again, a boy had taken the package from the girl who slept beside Alice—she had developed a habit of delivering Alice's packages when she was absent—and opened it, only to find a very unmanly pair of Balenciaga pumps, and a couple other items from Chanel.

Jasper followed Alice and Hermoine as they skipped. Harry and Bella had gone into The Three Broomsticks for a drink, and Ron was left talking to the Twins. Emmett walking over to the three and the Twins started talking less.

"Don't worry, I won't crush you into Macdonald's Secret Sauce." Said Emmett laughing. Rosalie gave a half smile and glanced at the Twins.

"Fred, George, this is Emmett. Emmett, Fred and George." Ron motioned to the twins.

"Nice to meet you." Emmett held out his hand.

Fred reached for it then stopped. He smiled and plucked a small white disk from Emmett's palm.

"So, you're trying the hand shocker," said Fred, sticking the sticky side of the disk to his palm and tapping the flat side, only to receive a mild electric shock, "Well too bad for you, cus' I invented this thing." Fred tossed the hand shocker back to Emmett.

"No you didn't, I did!" objected George.

"You got the idea, and I made the prototype."

"And I improved the prototype after you nearly fried mum with it!"

"Wait, so you guys are Fred and George Weasley?" asked Emmett.

"Yeah," they said in unison.

"Oh my god! I love your store!" said Emmett.

Fred thought for a moment, "Wait, I know you. You're the one who came to our shop before the school year started and requested one of everything in the store."

"Yeah the big guy. We made a killing that day." Said George.

If you don't know, a killing is just a bunch of money.

After that day, the Twins and Emmett were great friends. The next day there was also no school for Thanksgiving.

That year there would be dances at every special occasion for all ages. Alice had toiled for most of her summer—once she and her family had discovered their magical talents—to make this so. After twelve, twenty-page essays on why there should be dances at every special occasion, Dumbledore had agreed, with the consent of all the other professors—apart from Snape, who secretly had a liking for dances.

Hermoine and Alice had spent the day before at the post office, picking up the outfits Alice had requested for the family—and a spare from her closet at home for Hermoine.

After that they had gone back to the school so Alice could tailor the dress she had brought for Hermoine—as Hermoine was a bit on the wide side compared to Alice—and to experiment with different hairstyles and makeup, and to see which of Alice's many shoes looked best with the outfits.

That morning, the Cullens were not at breakfast again. Alice had told Hermoine that it was for "Dance preparation" purposes. Alice had also kept the dances a secret until that day.

Dumbledore stepped up to give an announcement

"Attention please. I would like to inform you, that celebrations this year for occasions such as Christmas and Easter, and today, shall be celebrated differently. The teachers and I have all decided, that instead of just a feast to celebrate this year, we will have the day off, and celebrate with a dance."

A loud murmur went through the crowd, followed by excited whispers from the girls, and grumbling from the boys.

"I understand that some of you are unprepared, which is why we requested that all students bring dress robes of some sort for this year. If you have not, Miss Alice Cullen will assist you before the dance.'

There were some sighs of relief from many of the boys, and more excited whispers from the girls. Hermoine smiled smugly.

"You knew about this all along didn't you?" said Harry to Hermoine.

"MmmHmm!" said Hermoine, happily

Just then, the doors to the great hall opened, and The Cullens strode in pulling racks of dresses, after dresses, after suits, after suits. Alice skipped ahead of the others pulling her clothing rack.

"Sorry we're late. I didn't expect so many people to not have dress robes." Said Alice to Dumbledore. She skipped to a side door in the great hall, and professor Mcgonagall opened the door for Alice. Inside the room was a wall fitted with mirrors, and some extra space for all of the racks, and a line of stalls for changing. The Cullens pushed in all the clothing, and Edward came in last with a cart full of shoeboxes bearing names like Gucci, and Prada.

A very large amount of whispering exploded from all four tables. The Cullens went to their seats, ready to be bombarded with questions about the dresses, and the suits.

For the element of surprise, I will write about the Dance next chapter 


	8. Chapter 8

That day, the Cullens were nowhere to be seen due to their tailoring duties. Hermoine was trying on her gown for the last time before that night. Harry was suppressing a laugh at Ron's magenta robes. Later on, Ron decided to go to the Cullens for new robes.

Since all the boys of Hogwarts were hesitant, there was a crowd of girls waiting at the door. Every time a person came out, carrying a dress, or a suit, another person went in. Edward was taking a little break outside the door, when he waved Ron over.

"Hey Ron! I see you don't have an outfit. Oh, the magenta robes," said Edward, shuddering in an Alice way at the memory of the hideous robes, "Come on, you're a friend, you go to the front of the line!" Edward led Ron into the room.

"Whoa!" The back of the room was filled with more racks than they had pushed inside that morning. The wall opposite from the changing stalls was covered with box, upon box of designer shoes and accessories. A swarm of girls were lovingly petting the dresses on the racks. Alice and Edward were in charge of tailoring, but because the boys were to shy to go to get an outfit yet, Edward had taken a break. Rosalie was on hair duty, and Emmett was on shoe patrol, as he was the only Cullen who could reach the highest shoeboxes on the pile. Jasper was keeping track of the outfits, and making sure there weren't too many people at a time in the room—though it was a plenty big room, that's for sure.

Edward smiled and led Ron to the "Menswear department"

"So I judge you're not the kind of guy who cares much about what designer the suit comes from. Just to let you know, these are just clothes we have no more use of, according to Alice. I'd guess you're more of a Jasper shape, so, I know he wore this one last year." Edward plucked a deep green Armani suit from the rack. He also picked a dress shirt and Tuxedo. He would pick the shoes later with Emmett.

"Go and change." Ron did, and came out with an almost perfect fit. After ten minutes of tailoring, he changed out of the suit and went to Emmett, who was evidently annoyed with only searching for girl's shoes. He picked for Ron a pair of plain black dress shoes, which still looked fancy. After going to Rosalie, she deemed his hair Unfixable, and he was on his way.

Before Ron went out, carrying his new outfit, Jasper stopped him, "Alice wants me to let you know, you can keep the suit and shoes. It's her gift."

Alice smiled from across the room. Once Ron was out into the grand hall, he spotted some Slytherin boys walking towards the line and a couple boys from the other houses.

The fittings were uneventful. Though when Malfoy and his Goons came for a fitting, Edward purposely gave them deep magenta suits—though in the lighting they couldn't tell—out of spite. Malfoy squirmed incessantly as Rosalie washed his greasy hair, only to gel it back down into its usual position. Crabbe and Goyle both got hand-me-downs from Emmett, though even then they were too wide. I mean wide as in too-many-ice-creams wide.

That night the feast was served during the dance in the form of snacks. All the girls in Ravenclaw were getting make-up touch-ups by Alice. Some girls were grumbling, for during the rush to prepare for the dance, they had picked the worst dates. Harry was going with Bella, and Ron was going with Hermoine. Edward was going with nobody, and the Cullens already had dates. Cho had to settle for Seamus Finnegan, as she refused to go to the dance alone, no matter how drastic the consequences.

Two hours before the dance, Alice had closed the room, for the purpose of decoration. As the doors to the great hall opened, the gathered crowd gasped. The Cullens were already inside. Alice was wearing a purple, rhinestone-encrusted gown and the highest heels anyone in the school had ever seen. Rosalie and Emmett were wearing matching dark blue. Jasper was wearing a deep purple suit—the purple was so deep you couldn't tell it wasn't black—and Edward was wearing plain black. The people who had arrived early were who the crowd was. They walked in, and all that could be heard for a few moments were gasps and incessant clicking from heels, and squeals from the girls who had no experience walking in high heels. Trust me, they KILL!

After they were in, the music started. No one knew where the music was coming from, but that didn't matter to them. The Cullens began dancing, except for Edward, who just sat in one of the velvet chairs, swirling his "cranberry juice." Just kidding, it was real cranberry juice. Later on, the rest came. Snape had decided to wear the pink suit Alice had given him, as he had no better thing to wear. The teachers wore fancier robes than usual, and Dumbledore had a new hat from Alice.

The dance was going splendidly. After one dance with Seamus, Cho abandoned him and went to ask Edward for a dance. Edward grumbled all through the song, after stupidly consenting to dance. Edward danced with many single girls at Hogwarts, including Hermoine—much to the jealousy of Ron.

While Bella was off cavorting on her own, Harry went to talk to Edward, who was pretending to be tired.

"So how do you like the dance so far," asked Harry.

"It's great, but, I don't know haw to get Cho off my back." Answered Edward. As if in response, Cho scurried away in her white dress and diamond encrusted pumps.

"There you go." At that moment, Bella walked over to sit beside Harry.

"Oh god, these shoes Emmett picked is killing my feet. Oh Hi Edward." She said, removing the 80mm heels from her sore feet.

Edward grunted, "Be proud, those used to be Alice's favorite shoes, until they got really scratched. I'm going to go dance a bit more. See you guys."

After Bella rested her feet for a while, the music changed from classical, suddenly to rock. The lighting changed from silver and gold, to crazy lights.

"Don't you love it?" Yelled Emmett to Harry.

"What!" Yelled Harry.

Emmett was long gone into the crowd. Harry got up and so did Bella. Eventually after much dancing, the Music turned back to classical, and the snacks were refilled. Bella rested for a while, and Harry went to get some snacks. He snickered as he spotted Edward mouthing the words "Help Me!" from across the hall while he danced with Cho.

A moment later, the music changed, and Edward switched over to Hermione. Harry stuffed his face with snacks and went back to dance With Bella. The song was a fast song, and went for a long time. Within that time, everyone was switching partners whenever. Harry was dancing with Bella, when Edward and Hermione swirled past. They switched. Bella now danced with a very stiff Edward. Bella was smiling, and Edward didn't reject her, so as not to seem rude. But after a minute of Dancing with Edward, it came.

The clear sky was pockmarked with a steadily growing green speck on a rainbow magic carpet. One of the windows flew open of their own accord, and in sped the Leperchaun. Edward instinctively grabbed a large metal pole, and so did Emmett and Rosalie, as they saw this as a perfect chance to practice their roles as beaters on the Quidditch team. The leperchaun swirled around the great hall, brandishing its wand, searching for Harry.

It spotted him and sped down. Harry ducked just in time, and knocked down Bella, so she landed on a glass punch bowl. It shattered, and Jasper went wild. Emmett ran to restrain him, and Alice helped the best she could. Hagrid helped get Bella to the infirmary immediately.

As the Leperchaun sped down for another go, Rosalie jumped and smacked it off the rainbow. The Rainbow disintegrated and disappeared. Harry accepted a metal pole—which used to be part of a table—and smacked the leperchaun as it went for his face. The event turned into a game of baseball, after Jasper had calmed down and the rest of the Cullens had joined in the game. At one point, the leperchaun dodged one of Emmett's blows, and landed on Harry. Just then, as the Leprechaun's tiny, evil finger touched his skin, His scar burned.

"Asta la Vista, Harry, hoity toi" said the Leperchaun, raising it's wand. Harry's life flashed before his eyes, then everything was black.


	9. Chapter 9

"Tell me everything you saw," said a voice.

"It was a leperchaun; just a leperchaun. With a wand, and a very hard head." Said another voice.

The first voice sighed, "We won't figure out anything until he wakes up. But I do wonder where the Dark Mark came from."

Harry twitched his lips, desperate to say something.

"His lips twitched!" said an Alice-like voice.

"Harry, can you hear me!" said Hermione.

"Harry, if you die, and you want to give me all your money, move your finger." Said Ron.

"Ron! How dare you." Said Hermione, "Don't listen to him Harry, he's just an ass."

Harry twitched some more, and after a fierce battle with his eyelids, he managed to open his eyes. Surrounding him were the Cullens, Ron, Hermione, Bella, and Dumbledore.

"Harry!" Hermione hugged him.

"You've been in a coma for a week." Said Bella.

"So that's the Muggle term for it. Interesting," said Ron. Bella rolled her eyes.

"I made you a get well card! Everybody but the Slytherins signed it." Alice held out a very large, pink, scented card, covered with sparkles and rhinestones, and get-well notes. Harry struggled to sit up, rubbing his eyes.

"Oh yeah, here are your glasses," Hermione took Harry's glasses out of his pocket and handed them to him.

"Harry, sorry to spoil your fun, but the Ministry of Magic finds it in their greatest interest to know exactly what happened at the dance, as once again the other students are making up idiotic tales of a bodybuilding Leperchaun with a bazooka who resembles Arnold Schwarzenneger." Said Dumbledore.

Harry rubbed his eyes and put on his glasses. "All I remember is whacking it in the head, before it went back for me. When it touched my skin, my scar started burning, like when Voldemort is near."

Dumbledore gasped, "Of course, the dark mark and the burning scar at the same time when the Leperchaun was there. Harry, I know this sounds absurd, but I think You Know Who, is back, and he's a Leperchaun!" Dumbledore rushed out of the room to contact the Ministry of Magic, during which his friends briefed him on the events of the dance. Apparently, after Harry had gone into a coma, somebody had created a dark mark, and the entire school went wild. They did not explain why Jasper went wild, and they told him how they had defeated the leperchaun by throwing it out the window, but once again it had gotten away on a rainbow carpet. Alice had been spending the last few days repairing outfits that were damaged during the panic. Hermione had collected all the sheets Harry would have to do for homework, much to the disappointment of Harry.

Once they had told him all of what had happened, Edward and Ron came with some frustrating news.

"Um, Harry, you do remember there's a quidditch game tomorrow between Slytherin and Gryffindor?" said Edward, hopefully.

"Yeah, why?"

"Because, um, you know how I said I can't play in sunny weather. The forecast calls for zero cloud cover," Edward glanced at Alice, "Do you think you would be able to play?"

"Oh shite," said Harry.

"If you can't I could try and do something so I can."

"No, no I, I might be able to play. If I can't you can try and do something, but I refuse to let Malfoy win a game against Gryffindor, by default or not." Said Harry fiercely, before coughing and drinking some water from the glass beside him.

Later on, Madame Pomfrey came up with some food, as one can get a wee bit peckish (hungry) when you've been in a coma for a week.

One thing you might want to know is that Madame Pomfrey is pregnant in this parody, for reasons you shall soon know. Don't ask who the father is, I have no idea. You can review and tell me suggestions, but I don't know how I might incorporate it.

Just at that moment, the Cullens came back in for a second visit. Harry just listened to their talk, as he was busy stuffing his mouth with chicken and mashed potatoes. Alice wrinkled her nose at the sight of the food.

When the Cullens were about to leave, Dumbledore burst into the infirmary, leading two pale people; one man with blonde hair, and one with curly brown hair and a sweet expression. They had a remarkable resemblance to the Cullens, mainly when it came to the beauty, but also the fact that they dressed as richly as Alice insisted the Cullens dressed. Harry mouthed a wow.

"Here they are." Said Dumbledore.

The two people walked over to the Cullens for hugs. Rosalie then noticed Harry's overly confused expression, and took the liberty of introducing, Mr. and Mrs. Cullen.

"Oh Harry, these are our parents. Carlisle and Esme." Said Rosalie, smiling wider than anyone at Hogwarts had ever seen her smile.

"How do you do?" asked Carlisle, holding out his hand. Harry took it, and tried not to flinch at how cold it was, even though he already knew the Cullens suffered from "permanent walking hypothermia" as Edward said. Harry believed him, as he only understood "walking" out of what he had said. Esme shook Harry's hand next.

Carlisle turned his attention to the Cullen boys for a moment, "Edward, if you don't mind we drove your Volvo here." Edward nodded, "And we also ferried your Porsche, your Hummer, your Ferrari, and your Maserati." He continued, to everyone in turn.

Alice beamed as Carlisle handed her the keys to the Porsche. Emmett took the keys to the Hummer, Jasper got the Maserati, Edward got the Volvo, and Rosalie got the Ferrari.

Harry's jaw dropped, and Alice hid a smile, pocketing her keys.

That night at Dinner, Harry was strong enough to get to the great hall. Malfoy mocked how Harry was in a coma, so in return, Emmett threatened to put Malfoy in a coma. That shut him up.

Harry took his place with Edward that night, and left Bella on her side of the table.

"So why did your parents come to Hogwarts?" Asked Hermoine, when Harry and Edward told her about what had happened.

"They came half because of what happened at the dance." Said Edward.

"And the other half?" asked Ron, reaching for another piece of sushi (They have theme nights, courtesy of Alice once again. Tonight is Japan).

"You'll figure out tonight."

"Oh, um, Edward. I was wondering if we're still going to have dances?" asked Hermoine.

"They want to cancel them, but Alice is _very_ good at essays." Said Edward, smiling.

Dumbledore stepped up to speak, "Attention. I won't keep you long. As some of you may have noticed, we have two guests today. Mr. and Mrs. Cullen. I know you are all wondering why they have come. First, as you know, Madame Pomfrey is starting her Maternity Leave in a week. Because Mr. Cullen has a long medical history, he has offered to take her place in the Infirmary." There were many cheers, and ever-present swoonings, "Silence. Next off, I hope you are enjoying the Japanese theme night." There were some grumbles from fish haters, "Well never mind. Next off, I would like to inform you, that after much debating and support from Miss Alice Cullen, we shall continue to host dances for special occasions." There were cheers from the girls, and grumbles from some of the non-cheering boys, "The next dance shall be at Halloween. As requested by Miss Alice Cullen, you will return your outfits, and by Halloween, she will outfit you with costumes. I understand that Halloween is not a very wizardly celebration, but we have decided to host a dance for the occasion. Thank you, and enjoy your Japanese dinner."

He sat back down, having triggered many new topics for discussion.


	10. Chapter 10

Then next morning was cloudy, and Harry pestered Edward telling him that he can play; but Edward ignored him, and answered with a "Trust me, it will be sunny"

At that moment, Dumbledore stepped up to give one of his now extremely common speeches. The crowd fell silent.

"I have two things to say, good and bad. The bad news is, the current Defence Against the Dark Arts Teacher, you all know his name, went to bed last night, bumped his head, and did not get back up in the morning. He has been rushed to the infirmary, but was already dead long before he arrived there. A moment of silence for Mr. Leiderhosen." The hall went silent except for a student or two who was rather happy the old geezer was dead. After a rather long moment of partial silence, Dumbledore spoke again.

"Now for the good news. We have been very fortunate to have already acquired the service of another Defence Against the Dark Arts Teacher. Please welcome Mrs. Esme Cullen as your new teacher." The hall was silent for a moment as Esme stood up from her chair and smiled sweetly. Then applause broke out along with whistles.

It seemed that ever since the Cullens arrived at the beginning of the year, there had been many more speeches, and far more exciting topics for discussion. After Dumbledore gave his speech, Edward force-fed Harry a quick breakfast, before dragging him to the Quidditch field for practice.

"Because you're health is not the best, and you absolutely refuse to let Malfoy win, you will use my Jingleheimer Schmidt." Edward held out is golden-engraved broomstick. Harry petted it lovingly, treating it as if it would shatter at any moment. Edward rolled his eyes and forced Harry to mount it. After that, he drilled Harry incessantly, until the clouds thinned and the sun almost shone through. Edward suddenly looked very frightened, running away at a human speed past the gathering members of the teams.

Harry shrugged and smirked at Malfoy, who was petting his new Jingleheimer Schmidt, glad that he had a weapon against the all-powerful Harry, until he noticed to his dismay that Harry was petting a Jingleheimer Schmidt lovingly too, and did not notice the "Edward" written in curling gold script on the handle.

Soon the game started, and as was to be expected, Gryffindor won. But Harry was curious about the Cullens allergy to the sun, which might have been guessed anyway due to their abnormally pale, cols skin. Though their lack of sunlight could not explain how hard they were. Harry let it slide as Bella ran up to him with Ron and Hermione.

"You were amazing!" said Bella, smiling.

Harry shrugged, "Only because this is the first time you've seen quidditch in action. Now have you seen Edward; I need to give him his broom back." Hagrid replied surprisingly.

"Oh, them Cullens 'ave gone off ter London fer a trip, seeing there be clouds in London, and that Alice wants to get 'erself sum new robes. They drove off in 'em fancy pants Muggle-mobiles of there's. I reckon they be back in a few hours."

"They're allowed off the grounds?" asked Hermoine.

"Tis a lot o' technical stuff and paperwork tha' let em do that. Ye can try ask Dumbledore, but I reckon he don't come with more answers than me." Replied Hagrid, walking away carrying a box of what Harry decided must be some kind of dreadful type of ant they'd have to deal with in class—it _did _say "Fire Breathing Ants" on the side, so it's pretty obvious.

The day went on until dinner without the Cullens. Alice walked in with some impossibly high Gucci heels with surprising ease. Alice had been spending much on shoes, since the robes they had been assigned left little space for improvisation but shoes.

That dinner was not normal.

**Note: this next part is courtesy of my friend Exeterra. To Emmett fans, if you are overly sensitive to things that question Emmett's manliness, please skip over this section. If you would kill me for writing about the destruction of sports cars, also skip over. Thank you.**

Emmett was engaged in conversation as usual to drive attention away from his lack of eating. They were discussing whether Ferrari, Lamborghini, Porsche etc… wear better than Audi, Maserati, Volvo etc…Edward tapped Emmett on the shoulder to give his feedback, when—unfortunately—Emmett just so happened to look down.

There on the ground, black, tiny, and utterly harmless…a spider

Emmett's eyes widened and he started to scream—I'll be kind and make his scream unlike a girl's. He jumped onto the table and started running across towards the doors at inhuman speed, his feet making holes in the table as he ran. The doors flew open and a blur sped through them.

A murmuring erupted and the teachers started trying to fix the problem, when Emmett runs back in, holding Edward's lovely, cherished silver Volvo, over his head, and screaming like a maniac, as he sprinted to where the spider crawled, oblivious to what was going on. Emmett smashed down the Volvo on the spider, while Edward, and everyone else just sat, frozen with surprise, and mainly fear at what was happening, while Edward was frozen with rage.

Once Emmett had thoroughly pulverized the spider, Edward exploded—in fact, for humorous effect, can you imagine Edward screaming, and his head exploding, then a new head growing in it's place; thanks.

"Damn it Emmett! Why the **** did you just do that!" screamed Edward, the tables vibrating with the noise.

Emmett started sobbing, "But, Eddy…it-it was a spider Eddy. A s-s-spider Eddy."

"I know you have an incurable fear of spiders, but…damn it Emmett, my car!"

Rosalie had gotten up and started hugging Emmett, while he continued to sob. Edward stared at the wreck of his car, scattered on the floor. A small flame was growing within it, too small to notice. As Edward continued to spaz, the flame spread to what was left of the fuel tank, and the car burst into flames! Panic erupted all around the room, and Bella, who—much to the disappointment of Edward—was sitting beside Harry, who sat beside Edward. Her robes caught in the blaze, and she started screaming, running as the flames consumed her toes. She jumped on the table and dunked her foot in one of the remaining glass punch bowls (Alice had updated the school's silverware and plates and such).

After that, Bella limped her way towards the infirmary, with the aid of Harry. The Cullens were getting rid of the fire, and Emmett was heading to detention. Alice was yelling at Rosalie something like "I didn't see this! Jeesh! I'm not superwoman, even if I look like her…" She had sent Jasper running away with her shoes to save them from damage.

Hermione had expected the teachers to put out the fire by now, and she was getting very frustrated.

"THE SPELL IS FRIGGIN' AGUAMENTI!!" she screamed, pointing the fire as water shot out of her wand. The teachers fell silent as the remainder of the students escaped. Hermione scoffed and strode out of the hall, her nose upturned.

The teachers went on with their business, and dinner was served in the common rooms. Alice was moping, as the damage had made it near impossible for her to host the Halloween dance. Emmett had nearly been expelled, if it were not for the frantic essays by Alice—as is evidently her talent.

**Note: to all those people who are desperate for Bella and Edward to get together, tis next chapter. **


	11. Chapter 11

That day was a weekend, and Hermione had not been seen for a few hours after breakfast, during which time, a most anticipated phenomenon occurred.

Draco Malfoy, the sworn enemy of Harry, was marching through the halls one day, surprisingly without his goons. He was plotting, as usual; about ways he could make Potter's life miserable. He strutted his trademark strut, holding his nose so high; all you could see was the inside of them. As he turned a corner, he spotted Bella walking the opposite direction.

Now I think we all know by now Malfoy has the IQ of a Marshmallow, which will explain this next event.

Malfoy had been planning on stealing Bella from Harry as a means of torment. He decided to enter in a duel with Bella to impress her, right there and then, for reasons I just mentioned. His Marshmallow of a brain thought this a perfect plan, and so put it to action.

As he walked by her, he purposely shoved her into the wall.

"Hey! What was that for!" said Bella, brushing her shoulder where Malfoy pushed her, as if a colony of lice were there.

Malfoy, the horrible actor, replied ever so stupidly, "What did you call me?" he stepped up to her in a fashion he thought was threatening. Bella rolled her eyes and responded.

"I didn't call you anything, but I will now. Arse!" she turned to walk away.

"OH YEAH!" cried Malfoy, pulling out his wand with attempted drama, "bring it on! B****!"

Bella stopped and turned around, with actual, unintended drama, "What did you call me!"

"I said…"

Bella interrupted, "No I actually heard what you called me, I just said that for dramatic effect before I kick your ass."

Malfoy smiled and pointed his wand at Bella. He said something along the lines of, "Pantalonius Poopicus," and Bella deflected it casually, retaliating with a spell that made him look like a girl, which caused a large crowd to start collecting in a circle around them.

"Eat Crap!" yelled Malfoy, trying not to react as Bella deflected the spell so it affected Malfoy himself. He franticly stopped the spell as Bella was rolling her eyes once again.

The duel continued, and even the Cullens had gathered, and were now pushing their way to the front row (all but Jasper).

It continued for even more, until Malfoy became overly exasperated, and horribly humiliated. He breathed deep and yelled, "Avada Kedavra!"

Imagine everything in slow motion now (for dramatic effect)

Everyone gasped, as a jet of green light jumped from Malfoy's wand. To everyone's surprise, Edward jumped in front of the spell, yelling in slow motion, "Nnnnnooooooooooo!"

The green light hit his stomach and bounced off, hitting Snape's pet kitten, which had run away and was sitting on one of the stone gargoyles. It fell with a thump on the ground, as Snape was unfortunately coming to investigate the rumpus. Edward had fallen and made a dent in the floor, but either than that, he was unharmed. The crowd was silent, and Bella just stood, speechless.

Snape walked up to the crowd, "What is this…Mittens! What have they done to you?" He had spotted his snow-white kitten lying, curled up on the ground. His expression at that moment was like that of a child, who had just discovered there is no Santa.

He stood up, cradling the remains of his pet, "What is the meaning of this!"

Malfoy started talking, "Bella started duelling me, and then that _Cullen_ used the killing curse, trying to get me, but it missed and hit your cat."

"That's not true! Sure I duelled with him, but then Malfoy used the killing curse on me, Edward jumped in the way, it bounced off him, and hit your cat."

"Shut up! Either way," he fought back tears, "Even if Mr. Cullen did survive the killing curse, and even if he _did _deliberately use it, he killed Mittens-poo-poo-kins; detention Mr. Cullen; you too Ms. Swanson." Snape turned away and started marching, poorly concealing his loud sobs.

Bella marched up to Malfoy, fuming, "You may have one the battle, but you've started the war!" She turned away and started walking off. Edward walked away with his family.

Meanwhile, Harry and Ron found Hermione in the library, looking up books on leprechauns, trying to find a means of destroying them, but instead finding something relatively less useful.

They sat down with Hermione, as she opened a large, green book, with a golden shamrock on the cover, and silver script saying "Longe Forgotteneth Irishe Legendeths"

"I found something in here, which may be how Volde…I mean…The-Leperchaun-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named came back." Said Hermione. She began to read.

_**The Legendeth of Ye Leperchaune o' Doome**_

_When the evile lorde o' ye leperchauns should be destroy'th, he may'st cometh back as one of his kind._

"Cool! You-know-who was the Lorde o' Ye Leperchauns?" said Ron, brushing off some crumbs from his robes.

"Shut up Ron," said Hermione, continuing.

_He shalt alsoe be giveth gift's of speede and strengthe, and a very hard heade. There be still no way to destroy he, for there hasn't been a resurrected Lorde o' ye Leperchauns to test out theories on yet. _

_The downside to being a resurrected Lorde o' Ye Leperchauns, is the horrible, unwashable stench. No cure has yet been found, for the same reason that we don't know how to destroy he. _

"No wonder he smelled like Febreze. He was covering up the stench!" said Harry.

"He smelled like Febreze? All I smelled was fresh linen." Said Ron, hiding his cookies as the librarian walked by.

"That's a scent of Febreze," said Hermione, "Well that's the only useful part of the text, since the ret sounds like whoever wrote it was drunk. Listen to this: _And ye whipersnappersh turnst unto a watermelon before me eyes. So I took a carrot and ran him through…hey get out of my office, you umbrella of a Marshmallow. Hoity-toi!_"

"I see your point," said Harry, glancing over the text, trying to find something that wasn't about a pink bear wearing a dress with an umbrella-hat.

Alice walked by with an armful of books on wizard fashions throughout the ages, which looked like too much for her to carry. She noticed them and smiled, deciding to sit beside them.

"So, whatcha doin'," she asked.

"Looking up Leperchauns," said Hermione, "You?"

"I'm looking up wizard fashions and information on how wizards celebrate Halloween, since it turns out we'll be going through with the Halloween dance after all." Hermione and Alice squealed in unison, only to be shushed by the librarian. So Hermione started showing Alice all the best books for what she was researching. Hermione helped Alice look through them as Harry and Ron left.

They took no notice as Snape ran by, sobbing and holding a fuzzy snowball.

"What's with him?" wondered Harry.

"Meh," replied Ron, and they walked on.


	12. Chapter 12

Note: sorry to some people because I think I said Bella and Eddy getting "together" was in chapter 11. It's actually chapter twelve, or if I mess up again, chapter 13 and so on and so forth. But they do get together eventually; don't worry.

Edward was feeling awfully glum that day. Bella sat only a metre away from him. Snape had ordered for them the same punishment as Emmett and Alice had received. Bells was writing "I will not pester his greatness, Draco Malfoy the First." While Edward wrote, "I shall not so brutally assassinate a poor, innocent, adorable kitten ever again for as long as I shall live."

Bella's low-budget quill scratched annoyingly against the paper, while Edward's ruby-encrusted one made no noise as he scribbled his lines. Snape was once again reading his book within a book, when his "greatness" Draco Malfoy the First, came marching through the door. Snape took no notice, as he was too absorbed in his book within a book.

Draco Malfoy waited a few moments before speaking, in a polite way never before heard by non-Slytherin ears since he came to Hogwarts, "Excuse me Professor Snape, it's time for my…" He glanced at Bella and Edward, "…remedial potions class."

Edward held back a snicker, and Bella was turning red from restraining herself.

"Whaa…" Snape glanced up from his book, "Oh, right." He turned to Bella and Edward; "I hope you shall not cause any trouble while I am absent. You shall speak to no one of this. When the bells ring, you may be dismissed."

They said nothing as Snape and Malfoy left the room. Bella stared behind them as they marched out, waiting for a moment or two after they had gone out of sight.

"Okay, cut the crap," said Bella.

Edward looked up; putting on his politely confused face, "Excuse me?"

"Oh, don't act innocent. Ever since I walked into the great hall on my first day, you've been looking at me like I were a walking pile of manure. What I want to know is _why_!"

Edward thought frantically for an excuse, "I suppose I just naturally dislike you."

Bella rolled her eyes, "Then why does the rest of you're family start sniffing the air when I'm approaching?"

Edward though up an excuse quickly, "You have atrocious B.O."

Bella scoffed a scoff that could out-scoff any of Alice's scoffs any day that she ever scoffed. "Why, you little…" Bella punched Edward in the face, and then screamed, cursing some very colourful language. Edward rolled his eyes and sighed.

"Let's get you to the infirmary," he said casually. He reached for her arm and Bella pulled away.

"Don't touch me. I'm afraid my B.O. might rub off on you." She said, cradling her purple, swollen hand.

Bella made her way to the infirmary, followed by Edward. As she entered the doors of the infirmary, every girl in Hogwarts was there. A moment later, an annoyed Carlisle found her.

"Okay, what purposely-self-induced-'accident' have you gotten yourself into?" he started.

Bella began to speak, but was interrupted by Edward, "My fault. We were in detention when I insulted her and she punched me, breaking her hand."

Carlisle's face lit up, "Finally, a real accident." He motioned her over to the only empty bed, "Sometimes I think of my looks to be a curse. Almost all the girls in school have purposely gone as far as to break their arms to be under the care of Doctor Carlisle. Ever since I took this position, none of the girls who have come to the infirmary have been hurt by natural causes."

Bella grunted in response. She said nothing as her hand was inspected, and she was put in a cast. It was her right hand which was broken, so she could not write for a month and a half. She got out of the infirmary just in time for lunch. Edward was not waiting, surprisingly. So she just went to lunch, preparing her story for the questions to come of her cast—of which there were none, for there were many accidents lately, and she was one of many, who have visited Doctor Carlisle.

Meanwhile…

Harry, Ron and Hermione entered a drastically altered Defence Against the Dark Arts classroom. The melancholy paintings hung by the late Professor Leiderhosen had been replaced by cheery pictures of animals. The sombre gargoyles arranged by him had been replaced by fresh, fragrant flowers in matching porcelain vases. The antique, black, wooden desk carved with lion's head and sinister eagles, had disappeared and was replaced by something out of a Barbie movie, that wasn't made in China.

Harry shuddered, "I'm having horrible flashbacks of Fifth year with Professor Umbridge." Ron nodded.

They were a bit late for class, so the only seats left were at the front of the class. Hermoine laid out her books as she waited. Soon, the smiling Professor Esme walked in on snow-white stilettos, wearing a snow-white Chanel suit, and a snow-shite flower in her hair.

"Hello class!" she said cheerily, smiling a million-dollar smile, "I am Professor Esme. Now I see your assigned books are those of the old professor—may he rest in peace—but I have selected a different book. I know you don't have these, so I have bought copies for all of you." She handed them out. They were deep-pink books, engraved with curling silver writing, and smelt so new it made the other textbooks of theirs seem like dog doo. "Open to page 12. This form of Defence Against the Dark Arts may seem girly and useless at first, but it is actually the most effective against any evil personnel."

The book that they had been given was entitled, "Botany, and its Crippling Effects on Evil People." Page 12 had a picture of a purple Petunia, and included a long entry on an obscure spell they were about to learn.

"These spells have no effect on good people, but can destroy any form of evil. The first spell is rather straightforward. Eat Petunias!" she cried, pointing at an empty space on the wall. A jet of purple and green light flew from her wand in the form of Purple Petunias on their stalks. They collided with such force against the empty wall that a small layer of plaster there chipped off with much dust. All that was left was bare brick, and a pile of dusty Petunias below.

All eyebrows were raised. Esme smiled, "There are many variations of this spell, but none quite so effective as Eat Petunias, which is actually so potent, that in the world of evil, is one of their three forbidden curses—Eat Petunias being their equivalent of the Killing Curse. The other two we will discuss later."

And so the lesson went, proving to be rather easy as they shot flowers at each other, practising for real-life encounters.

That day at lunch, nobody inquired about Bella's cast, and many students were experimenting Eat Petunias on some of the Slytherins, who did not react much, though Draco Malfoy ducked under the table and started crying when a Petunia nearly hit him.

Though only a few people noticed the new carpet that day, installed to cover up the burns from the recent Volvo incident. Edward was still not talking to Emmett about that. Alice had ordered the carpet to make sure the great hall would still remain suitable enough for the Halloween Dance coming up in three days, and had already begun handing out outfits once again.

Overall, the day was fun, I suppose.


	13. Chapter 13

Everyone had a day off that day, except for the Cullens, who were busy with last-minute costume duty. Almost everyone in the school was a different thing for the dance. Harry was dressed as James Bond, Ron was a hot dog vendor, Hermione wouldn't tell what she was going to be, Malfoy was dressed as some kind of Pharaoh of Egypt, being carried around on a litter by Crabbe and Goyle, Bella dressed as a Vampire, Cho was a Diva, Snape was a…guy in a pink suit, and everyone else dressed as random things, but no one knew what the Cullens would wear.

Hermione knew of course, as she had aided Alice and her family pick out suitable costumes. The great hall was closed in the morning, and at lunch, and no one saw what was happening in there, because the costume borrowing had moved to a different section of the school. So everyone had breakfast and lunch in the fresh air.

Harry was walking down the hall beside Ron, showing off his crisp, white tux, and continuously repeating the saying, "My name is Potter…Harry Potter." Cho strutted by in her dark red Diva gown and sash proclaiming "Miss Hogwarts 2009" Malfoy rode by with a smuggish sneer on his face, and waved to Pansy Parkinson (I don't know if that's how you spell her name) who was having a lot of trouble walking in the ridiculous shoes she wore as she impersonated the Spice Girls.

Dumbledore waved to Harry and Ron, wearing a king's outfit, with a fur cape and silk robes, topped with the most expensive-looking staff the world has ever witnessed.

The chatter that day was always increasing by the hour as the dance approached. A crowd larger than the dance before gathered at the door of the great hall. Harry was going with Bella again, just so you know. A dramatic trumpet fanfare sounded from inside the great hall. The doors swung open slowly, to reveal the world's best decorated great hall from the beginning of time.

Alice had outdone herself. The entire great hall was decorated in such a Romanesque theme; you would think you were in Rome. But to put a Halloween edge to the room, it looked more like a haunted temple. There were thrones for all the teachers at the head of the hall, and fountains of punch instead of punch bowls. Piles upon piles of snacks were placed at the sides of the hall. Stools were placed everywhere for people to sit. Finally, people got to see the Cullens.

Rosalie had dressed as Aphrodite—and I don't mean naked on a clam—while Emmett was a Viking in a grizzly bear cloak. Esme was dressed as an angel, and Carlisle had joined in the Romanesque theme, dressed as Zeus—I know Romans and Zeus are Greek and Roman, but whatever. Jasper was Ninja, and Alice was the only fairy princess in the world who wore Versace pumps. Edward just dresses as a Pirate—and don't think that as me trying to imply that he's gay, he isn't.

The opening song was some song about a Monster Mash, followed by the Blue Danube Waltz, followed by some heavy metal, followed by something by Celine Dion, and so on.

Bella had not worn heels that time, having chosen a floor-length dress that hid her shoes. She scratched her cheek where the strangely irritating blush was. Harry had gone off to get her some drinks. Bella adjusted her long black gloves so they concealed her cast better.

A few metres beside her, Cho was openly flirting with Edward, who was easily ignoring her, but seeming disgusted as he sipped his drink.

Bella glanced away, and Edward stood up to walk away from Cho, in Bella's direction. Bella only noticed until Cho started yelling at Edward for attention.

Bella had gotten quite annoyed by Cho lately, and could not resist the urge to yell, "Shut up! God, your like a Chihuahua."

"I have been _dying _to say that," said Edward.

Cho stood, mouth open, obviously searching for the right words to retaliate with, but finding nothing, ran away crying.

Bella laughed. Edward just sat beside her despite her "B.O." Bella ignored his presence, though she couldn't help but glance towards him every now and then.

"Bella, I'd like to apologize for…insulting you,' Edward started.

"Whatever," said Bella.

"It's not whatever! I friggin' broke your hand!"

"Oh yeah. By the way, how did you do that?"

"Meh, magic." Edward said, avoiding suspicion, "Well anyway; I want to make it up to you. Do you want to dance?"

Bella looked confused, "How's that making it up to me? You've danced with every girl the whole school."

"Yeah, but I've always been the one who is asked. I don't ask girls to dance, except for the family. Come on…every girl in school will be jealous."

"No."

"Hmm…it'll piss Cho off."

Bella thought for a moment, liking this part of the deal, "Fine."

Edward smiled as they walked onto the dance floor, a thousand make-up colored sneers looking their way, including one absolutely infuriated Cho, who had streaks of Mascara running down her cheeks. Bella, oblivious to the time, danced a bit more than what she would have chosen, but oh well; the more they dance, the quicker they get together, and that's what everyone wants I suppose.

The night ended without any leperchaun sightings.

There was nothing interesting occurring at Hogwarts for a month after that, which is until December; except for Malfoy getting pwned by Emmett multiple times, and Cho got into a chick fight with Bella, which I'll just talk about for filler.

Cho was absolutely infuriated the next day. At breakfast she was contemplating whether to punish Bella using the silent treatment, or start a food fight and get some revenge, or if she should use some other form of rejection. Bella personally did not care, and had completely forgiven Edward, who didn't take as much notice of her "B.O." anymore.

That day in the halls, as Cho was walking in the hall towards Bella on her way to potions, she had an idea—even if it was the oldest trick in the book.

As Cho neared Bella, she purposely shoved her, and pretended to fall to the ground, hurt.

Bella had been shoved into the wall, and bruised her elbow—wow, Cho can _shove! _

"What did you do that for?" asked Bella, rubbing her elbow.

"Watch where you're going Edward-stealer." Replied Cho.

"Oh. I get it: you're just jealous because Edward ignored you all night and then danced with me. Well then maybe he should have broken _your _hand and he would have made it up to _you_."

"What did you call me!" asked Cho, trying to attract attention.

Bella looked confused, "I didn't call you anything."

"You called me a Cauldron Bum didn't you?" A small crowd gasped.

"What the hell is a Cauldron Bum?" asked Bella.

"You called me it again! Why you little…Eat Petunias!" cried Cho. The flowers bounced harmlessly off Bella, and Bella replied to that with sarcasm.

"_Ouch. Oh dear. I am melting. Oh noo_. You know what I have to say to that…"

A crowd of rowdy Hufflepuffs who had begun to chant, "Chickfight, Chickfight! Chickfight…"

Cho responded to that with—you guessed it—a deadly swipe from her recently sharpened nails. Bella jumped back and began to walk away, when Cho kicked her down. Bella responded with a handful of flowers, which had remained on the floor. Cho attacked Bella with another swipe, and Bella grabbed hold of her hair. This went on until Edward came.

He grabbed Cho by the shoulder and pulled her away. "Cho, why are you fighting Bella? She didn't steal me from you. To be honest, if you weren't such a b***h you might have had a chance. Let it go."

Cho just scoffed in the way only an insulted Diva could scoff.

"Let's go Bella, you'll be late for Charms."

Bella walked off with Edward leaving Cho badly insulted.

And they all will live happily ever after…eventually…but not in this story…and definitely not Cho…okay maybe Cho…nah, let her perish…but that's mean…whatever.


	14. Chapter 14

It was the first day of December, the day when the Cullens began receiving mysterious mail. It was so secret even Hermoine had no idea what it was, though the most probable explanation was gifts from other relatives of the Cullens. People paid little attention to that, as they were distracted by the spirit of Christmas, and the piles of early gifts—which were seen piled in front of Malfoy.

Bella got a get-well card from her friends back in Forks, who kept in touch as she was "Away at a boarding school in Europe, paid for her by her wealthy Aunt of whom none of them had ever heard of."

The Christmas celebrations started from the very first morning of December. The teachers had decided to have some fun, by putting a spell on the room, so that little bouquets of Mistletoe would appear randomly in thin air, hovering over unsuspecting pairs. One appeared above Alice and Jaspers heads, and Cho stared jealously, wishing she were in Alice's place. Ron got stuck kissing Bella, and Rosalie almost got stuck with kissing a guy other then Emmett, but the boy shuffled away in fear of Rosalie's wrath. Dumbledore got stuck having to give Mcgonagall a wee snog.

Once the Mistletoe had started to appear, girls began to purposely walk slowly by Edward, though the teachers, noticing this, avoided any mistletoe popping up over _there_.

That December morning was a weekend, and the Cullens were dressed in casual garb—garb meaning clothing, though the Cullen's casual "garb" was nothing short of more expensive than a days worth of meals for Hogwarts.

They walked towards Ron, Harry, Bella, and Hermione. Alice waved with her leather-gloved hand, skipping over. The rest of the family trailed behind.

"Hermione, Ron, Harry, Bella! We've been meaning to catch up to you! We were just heading out to London for a spree, and we were wondering if you wanted to come?" said Alice in her excited falsetto.

"I'd love to!" said Hermione.

"Meh, why not," said Bella.

"As long as we buy food," said Ron.

"I'm afraid I'm running out of money, and I was going to head to Gringotts anyway to pick up some more…" started Harry.

"No. We're not shopping _there_. You can't get Gucci in wizard shops." Said Rosalie, who was cheery with Christmas spirit.

"Gucci? I can't afford Gucci!" said Harry.

"It's on us. Consider it our early Christmas gift to you guys." Said Emmett.

They agreed and began walking towards the entrance. Ron whispered to Harry, "If this is only the _early _Christmas gift, imagine what we get for _Christmas_!" Harry shrugged.

They walked a while, until they reached the quidditch pitch, which was sunny.

"What are we doing here," asked Hermione, "The entrance is over that way."

"Well we have a garage a long way from the school, and we have to get there by broomstick." Said Edward, returning from the dressing rooms with the Cullen's broomsticks, "Bella rides with me, Hermione, go with Alice, Ron, stick with Jasper, and Harry, you can go with Emmett." The Cullens grabbed their broomsticks and pulled up their fluffy fur hoods, which shaded the sun from their skin. Alice had the fluffiest of all, and wore her purple boots that day. They mounted, and Harry & co. followed. Before they knew it, they were speeding off to the Cullen's garage.

As they flew farther and farther from the school, the sun disappeared behind clouds, and the Cullens removed their hoods. Soon, they spotted a gleaming, white-capped mansion, with a seven-car garage, and gigantic fountain out front. All but the Cullens were stunned, and never took their eyes off the scene until they landed on the expensively paved driveway. Edward took the brooms from everybody and led them inside the beautiful house. Once inside, Edward tossed the brooms into a broom closet, and Alice took over.

"Okay! We will be walking around London's most expensive area, so you have to look like you belong there. Ron, Harry, the guys will help you with your wardrobe, but Jasper will be warming up the cars. Bella, Hermione, come with us." Alice threw off her Parka and kicked off her heels, switching into a pair of glossy red ones, which sat on a rack beside a rather large statue of the Cullens. Rosalie did the same, and Alice just provided them with two pairs of comfortable flats.

The non-Cullens—which I will just call Harry, Ron, Bella, and Hermione now, because it's shorter—had no time to take in the grandeur of the rental mansion as the Cullens sped up the marble staircases, and split their two ways. There were more doors than the non-Cullens had seen in their lives in that house, with no labels or ways to tell which was which, but the Cullens found their way easily. The girls were led into a fluffy pink bedroom, and then to a pair of glass doors, which led to the world's biggest collection of fashion items and accessories, all neatly catalogued and arranged.

The boys were led into a room with the biggest, and most expensive stereo system they had ever seen. The door to the boys' wardrobe was smaller, but inside was a smaller collection, with just as much excellent cataloguing and organization as the girls.

Eventually, Hermione picked a chimney-sweep hat—I just call it that because that's what I find the style is—and freakishly high heeled boots, and a fur-trimmed—faux fur, nothing real—dress and Burberry trench coat.

Bella dressed with a Burberry trench coat as well, an expensive but soft, dark red scarf, and fuzzy boots, with skinny jeans.

Harry didn't quite like most of the clothes he saw, and just went with an expensive looking shirt, and expensive looking pants, and expensive looking shoes and so on.

Ron wore an outfit that resembled the personal style of the Jo. Bros. But with an expensive leather jacket like those 50's greasers. Oh god, he is sooo going to freeze his derriere off.

And so they hit the town. Ron felt the error of his choice when he stepped outside, appreciating the warmth of Jasper's Maserati. Jasper's Maserati, and Rosalie's Ferrari, and Alice's Porsche, fit everyone easily and comfortably. They drove out the lovely gates to the Cullen's temporary estate, and drove non-stop to London.

Turns out the Cullens had memberships to a garage in London, and parked there. Luckily the garage was near Alice's favorite store, and Ron didn't have to freeze for so long.

For hours they marched through London, and stopped briefly for a snack, before heading to a large store downtown. As they were getting off an escalator to the women's department, Bella saw a familiar sight. Over in the accessories section, trying on a pair of Chanel shades was Jessica from Forks. Bella just stood still, mouth hanging open. Jessica threw off the sunglasses and screamed, "Oh My God! Bella!"

She ran with her arms heavy with merchandise and hugged Bella with an all-out girl hug—which is where two god friends hug and start screaming in falsetto voices and jumping up and down for a couple of minutes.

After the girl hug was over, Bella began talking, "OMG! Why are you here? I thought you were in Forks."

"Daddy made a fortune in the stock market, and for a present, he sent me to London with all the cash I could carry. I can't believe I found you…" she spotted the Cullens, "um…why are the Cullens here?"

Bella was about to make a lame excuse, when Edward spoke up, "We're going to the same boarding school. We were going for a shopping spree today, and Bella hitched a ride with all the cash from her Aunt she could carry."

"Ooh! Cool!" said Jessica, "You know I'd love to see your Aunt."

Bella tensed and stuttered, "Um, you can't really, see her now, she's um…really sick."

"Oh. Well then could I see what your school's like?"

"Um, sorry, it's um, kind of high security. There, um, there's like, a lot of paperwork and yeah." Bella said. Alice rolled her eyes at the lame excuse.

"Oh. Oh well then. Can I join you shopping then?"

"Of course!" said Alice, beaming.

So they shopped for as long as their wallets were full to the brim. As Bella and Jessica were alone in the make-up department (the Cullens found no need in it) Jessica confronted Bella.

"So I've noticed something." Said Jessica.

"What?" asked Bella, as she and Jessica got their make-up done by pros.

"The Cullens actually hang out with you. Back at school they were so…prairie dog like. Edward is especially friendly it seems."

Bella blushed, thankful that the make-up had already been applied to her cheeks, "Jessica…can I let you in on a little secret?"

"Ooh! Secrets! I love secrets."

"Can I tell you or not?"

"Yeah you can tell me."

"Me and Edward…"

"Yeeeeeeeeees?"

"We're kinda…"

"Say it!"

"Dating."

Jessica sat there, mouth open for who knows how long. "I'm sorry, I think I was dreaming for a moment. Did you say _dating_?"

"We're dating, yeah."

"Ooh! Gossip! Me likee!" and so started the hail of questions. When they found the Cullens in the Gucci section, Jessica mentioned nothing about how she knew. They said their farewells after a trip to the Big Eye, and the Hogwarts-goers returned to the Cullen mansion with their merchandise, and flew back to Hogwarts.


	15. Chapter 15

It was a quiet morning; quieter than usual at least. It had been a quiet week; not very many Gryffindor/Slytherin disputes. Harry and his friend at Gryffindor huddled together, talking in lowered voices. The Cullens discussed matters in quiet voices. The main sound at breakfast was the crunching of toast, the whispering of people, and the blinking of eyes (t'was that quiet).

It was one week from the shopping trip the Cullens&Co. had gone on. As breakfast ended, there was no gossipy yelling, and everyone filed out to do this and that.

Emmett headed out to the forest near Hogsmeade, walking, and whistling "Jingle Bells." There was nothing to be heard—to the human ear—but the crunching of snow under Armani boots.

A snowball whizzed from nowhere, hitting Emmett on the cheek. Emmett pretended to be hurt, and glanced around for a source, pretending that he did not here Malfoy-esque snickering. So he decided to make a snowman.

It was a rather large snowman; about the height of Rosalie, which is a normal height. But then he did something unexpected. He lifted it up—the whole thing—and threw it at the invisible snickering.

Malfoy screamed and fell onto a row of Christmas trees, his legs trapped under Rosalie-sized snowman remains. Emmett whistled the cliché whistle, and the trees Malfoy had landed on began to move, and then were tossed aside. Behind them were Gryffindors. They hoisted Malfoy up and took him away, but not before he could yell, "Attack!"

Then the Gryffindors hurried their pace, abandoning Malfoy in the snow, and rushing back to the Fort. It was a beautiful Fort: with clear blue ice walls, and turrets, and a fake door that was frozen shut. Malfoy got up and ran past Emmett, just as the Slytherins approached.

The Slytherins rode magic-powered ice-tanks; majestic—for a creation of the Slytherins—and shining, bearing wreaths decorated with green-and-silver ornaments, and cannons that shot perfectly round snowballs. They drove forth in a V-formation, and behind them marched faithful Slytherins, along with Malfoy, riding on a one-horse-open-sleigh made of silver, and pulled by weird-looking horses.

Malfoy rode proudly, accompanied by Pansy, as they stormed the Fort. His minions attacked the walls, trying hopelessly to scale their walls. The Gryffindors scrambled to grab buckets full of something to dump on the attackers, and Malfoy and his minions could not retreat before steaming hot chocolate was poured on to them—and we all should know that hot stuff freezes faster than cold stuff. The Slytherins retreated, and the medical minions of the Slytherin army came to aid their chocolate-soaked master. Pansy fled along with some of her friends. Malfoy was brought behind the lines into the—pardon my language—rather shitty fort made of _snow_ that the Slytherins had made.

He ordered another attack on the Fort. The first lines were drenched in a hail of hot chocolate, when the Gryffindors ran out, and started dumping wrapping paper and half-melted snow. Soon the Slytherins had begun scaling the walls with ice picks, as they were once again attacked; by the archers this time, which shot sharpened candy canes down, blinding the Slytherins with Christmas Spirit. The Slytherins retreated once again to their measly little fort, which could never live up to its name, the Undestructible—which if you haven't noticed, is also grammatically incorrect.

The Slytherins struggled to fortify their hut—I call it a hut because it isn't worthy of being a fort—as the Gryffindors came spilling out of an unknown opening, riding truly majestic _ice _tanks, decorated with red and gold tinsel, with large banners sporting golden lions dressed in Santa suits. Harry led them all, with his commanding candy-cane staff, and Ginny at his side.

Emmett and Edward rode behind on a giant battling ram made of a Christmas tree, with an angel on top made of metal, with a very pointy-head—perfect for bashing. The Slytherins panicked behind the walls of their hut, and began catapulting wet snowballs in large clusters. Many Gryffindors were mildly injured, but pressed on. As the soldiers of Gryffindor ran ahead, a giant net of tinsel went and captured them; but before the others could come and cut them down, the net broke—and the Slytherins learned their lesson not to use dollar-store tinsel to capture their enemies.

The Gryffindor soldiers ran to hack at the snow walls, as cold, half-melted snow was poured onto them. The soldiers retreated, and the ice tanks began to shoot ice-balls from their ice-cannons mounted on their ice-tanks.

Portions of the walls of the Slytherin hut crumbled, and then the Slytherins actually did something impressive.

As the Gryffindor soldiers were about to spill through the gaps in the walls, snow-shovels drawn, ready to slash at their enemies, the Slytherin soldiers marched out, armed with green-and-silver bazookas that shot flames.

The Gryffindors laughed and decided to finally make use of magic, blowing the bazookas out of their hands, and once again using magic to retrieve them for themselves, melting down what was left of the retreating Slytherins hut.

A cheers rose from the ranks of the Gryffindors, when a large crunching came from the rubble. Rising out of the near-melted snow, was a gigantic, magic ice monster, made of crystal clear ice, inside of which you could see the Slytherins had gathered. But the Gryffindors did not retreat. Instead, out of the trees rushed their allies. The Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws, along with Fred and George with an assortment of helpful junk from their shop.

Then out of the trees on the Slytherin side rushed their tiny troupe of allies, composed of Cho and her friends, who were completely against all houses but Slytherin. The Ice monster advanced after their allies climbed in through the hole in the rear (the monster's one weakness).

The battle broke out in a shower of tinsel-and-candy-cane-harpoons, and a shower of flaming hot chocolate, and catapulting Christmas turkeys, striking and deflecting off the ice monster.

Oh! The drama! It was like a thousand Lady Gagas—with pants—playing in a Shakespearian tragedy with all things Christmas-themed, throwing exploding ornaments at one another!

The Gryffindors situation appeared grim with the presence of the ice monster, so they sent forth (dum, dum, dum…) The Ginger Warriors.

The strongest Gryffindors and their allies went forth (including the Cullens) clad in impenetrable brown suits decorated in white exploding ornaments, arranged in a way that resembled the icing on a gingerbread man. They set out in gingerbread men shaped suits, throwing themselves on the ice monster, and chucking ornaments at any Slytherins who tried to stop their progress towards the rear of the ice monster.

One by one though, the Slytherins were gaining what ground they lost, and the Ginger Warriors were almost all defeated. All hope was lost, and the Gryffindors retreated, but were not fast enough, as many were swept away by the arms of the Ice monster.

Then, out of the blue, a strange figure—resembling Santa on a diet that had rid himself of his beard—jumped with impossible height out of the ruins of the Slytherin hut. It ran with incredible speed up behind the ice monster, and attacked its weakness. The Gryffindors and their allies watched with amazement, as the ice monster gave a cry like Godzilla, and tumbled down onto it's knees, melting, and crying "I'm Melting! Oh what a world, what a world." Like many of us remember from Wizard of Oz. All that was left of the monster was cheering Gryffindors and wet, freezing Slytherins, and an extremely enraged Cho.

The strange Santa rose from the wreckage, smiling. The Gryffindors rushed to the strange Santa, only to find it was Edward. As Harry saw this, his simmering hate and jealousy sprung up again, and it was all he could do to pat him on the back and congratulate, before the cleanup began.

And so the rest of the day was full of surprised teachers, furious over the fight, but still interested by the numerous re-tellings of the story. Everyone was dry and warm by dinnertime, and all but the Slytherins were not grumbling.


	16. Chapter 16

Hi! This chapter is a more serious chapter, and involves multiply cusses at one point, which I shall cover up with stars*

Harry walked, nose held high in anger, through the halls of Hogwarts, head held high at his victory, but heart aching for vengeance towards Edward. Ever since Edward had destroyed the ice monster, people were congratulating _Edward _for winning the _entire _battle for him, when it was _Harry_ who overheard the plot of the Slytherins to start the battle, _Harry _who organized his troops and designed the Fort, _Harry _who took the time to research spells to make the ice tanks and fortify the Fort, and _Harry _who took command and was there every step of the way, to ensure they would succeed; and then Edward comes and steals all his thunder by dressing up like a buffoon and doing one act of attack.

There were multiple other reasons Harry had a rapidly intensifying grudge against Edward. Edward was like a chick magnet, stealing all the girls and keeping them hanging onto his every word. Edward had stolen Bella as _his_ girlfriend, which didn't seem to make all his groupies stop groupie-ing. Edward had stolen his prized position of seeker on the Quidditch team, ruining his favorite subject in school—even though it's not really a subject. Edward had also survived the Killing Curse. That was what enraged him the most. _He _was the _only _one to survive the curse, and then a supermodel comes along and does it better than him, without even getting a lightning-bolt scar, or the title of "Chosen one" coming with it!

And so Harry vowed vengeance.

Cho walked, nose held high in anger, through the halls of Hogwarts, getting more and more infuriated every time any boy walked past her, without giving her a second glance. _Stupid Cullens,_ thought Cho, _strutting around in their Dolce and Gabbana shoes_ _and perfect faces. Damn Alice, damn Rosalie, but most of all, damn Edward._ Cho was absolutely infuriated at the way every male species in the school would always walk into walls while they stared at the Cullen girls, and line up for a mile to carry their diamond-encrusted notebooks. _They should be carrying _MY _books, just like old times, _she thought, sourly.

As much as she despised the popularity of the Cullen girls, she despised the newfound couple of Edward and Bella, much, much more. Edward had humiliated her in front of probably every boy in the school, and left her scarred for all her dating life. Cho thought she could've eventually captured Edward's heart, if it wasn't for Bella and her plain looks. Cho still struggled with the question of how the hell _Bella _of all people could date someone like _Edward_.

And so Cho vowed vengeance.

Harry continued walking, muttering to himself about how Edward ought to burn at the stake and his ashes pooped on by hamsters and incinerated once more, before being sold as pepper to cheap restaurants like Macdonalds to spice up their secret sauce.

Suddenly, he spotted Hermione skipping towards him with Ron, the Cullens, and Bella. Harry smiled as e spotted the crowd, but it turned into a grimace as Edward came into view from behind Emmett, the only Cullen bulky enough to conceal Edward with ease. The crowd reached Harry and he struggled a half smile that looked more like an angry face.

"Hey Harry! Why the long face? Aren't you gonna congratulate Edward on his victory." Said Emmett, cheerily as usual.

Harry didn't know what part of that moment caused him to explode the way he did. It might have been how Emmett was congratulating _Edward _on his victory. Or it might have been how Emmett was implying that he should congratulate _Edward _for _his own _victory. Or maybe it was how; in the meantime, the rest of the crowd was patting _Edward _on the back in a congratulating way, and _Edward _was grinning a proud grin that seemed to say, "I won the battle single-handedly, and I deserve all the credit because everyone else involved in the battle were lazy bums who don't dress as stupidly as I did and didn't jump onto the derriere of a giant moving block of frozen water which resembled blah, blah, blah…"

Harry could not restrain himself any longer. His face turned red with anger and his teeth were gritting against each other in a very audible way. He clenched his wand so tight he was almost certain it would snap. The crowd say Harry and took a step back—even the indestructible Edward.

"Edward f***ing Cullen, you have crossed the line," fumed Harry.

Edward furrowed his brow, unsure what he had done.

"Harry? What has Edward ever done to you?" asked Hermione.

Harry laughed a maniacal laugh of surprise, like a mental patient would laugh, "You don't know? I always knew you were the stupidest piece of s*** student in the f***ing world when it came to realizing peoples emotions, but now you've proven it to all of us." He laughed again maniacly.

"Harry, are you okay?" asked Edward.

Harry narrowed his eyes and his nostrils flared to the size of a pig's nostrils, "Well I think you know the answer to that, you piece of…"

"Harry, stop it. What did I do?" asked Edward.

"Ha! What _didn't _you do? You come here and you steal every f***ing girl in the school! Then you show me up by a mile at quidditch tryouts and steal _my _position. I am the _best _seeker in the school, and you're probably just on steroids. You b*****d. And Bella! You punch her in the face and insult her hygiene, but still you magically manage to steal her. You probably used a love potion; you're acing every subject including potions. And this battle. I heard the Slytherins plot, I acted against it, I organized the houses for attack, I planned the layout of the Fort, I did the research to make the ice tanks, and I created exploding ornaments and candy cane arrows, and all our mean of defence, and you did nothing but pop out at the last second and stab the Slytherin-mobile thing in the $$"

The crowd had moved far back, but more people were arriving. Edward took no notice that he was in the circle of people with Harry, for he was too transfixed with the rage seeping from Harry. Even Jasper was afraid, unable to spread "good vibes." Into the storm cloud of "negativity" around Harry.

"And most of all you egotistical J***, you survived the killing curse, without even getting any side effects! You survived it once, lets see if you can take it twice."

Edward was frozen into place, unable to react before Harry cast the spell. But lets go through that in slow motion. As Harry spoke the words, the reaction of the girls in the crowd was wailing and groupie-like struggles to protect their idol. The Cullens were in shock at the amount of hate in Harry's voice as he said that. Emmett was just about to jump in front of Edward screaming "NOOOOOOO…." As we've all seen in the movies. The groupies surged forward to risk their lives for Edward, and Hermione and Ron, his best friends, joined the groupies; all for Edward.

_Edward, Edward, ED-frickin-WARD_, thought Harry, disgusted by how everyone who knew Edward would do anything for him. _This ends now._

"Avada Kedavra!" Screamed Harry.


	17. Chapter 17

Edward expected to feel nothing but the force he'd feel if Emmett punched him. This was different. He saw Harry as a strong light flashed from his wand. This was not like when Malfoy had tried the killing curse, which was a weak green light that faltered as soon as he felt the impact. This light stayed in his vision and he lost all feeling. It was all white. No tunnel with a white light at the end of it. Just white.

_Am I dead? _He thought.

He felt slightly delirious, thoughts swirling in his head. Where was his head? Did he even have a body? Why didn't he feel gravity? Why didn't he feel anything? He could only feel a mix of emotions that he had been feeling back when he could see. He could only hear all that Harry had screamed at him, repeating itself, interrupted only by the sound of Harry's maniacal laugh, and Harry yelling the killing curse.

He had no sense of time, and thought he was dead for a while until the light began to fade, along with Harry's voice.

"Edward, wake the hell up!" said Jasper, or else, he thought it was Jasper.

"I hope he _never _wakes up," said a spiteful voice.

"Harry, shut up! You could've killed him!" said a girl's voice.

"You shut up. I saw you, running to protect him. Risking your life for him. I bet you a thousand galleons you wouldn't do that for me."

"I said shut up, you ungrateful toad."

"Leave me alone you inconsiderate bi…"

"Harry, seriously, shut up," said another voice.

"I've said it multiple times and I'll say it again, No you shut up. And get me out of this straightjacket."

"Harry, attacking another student with the killing curse is bound to get you expelled, but if you shut up and don't do anything else you might just escape being sent to Azkaban." Said an enraged Dumbledore.

Edward found he was breathing, and smelt flowers. _Groupies, _he thought.

"Look! He's breathing!" said Alice, no Rosalie, no Alice, no…he couldn't tell who it was.

He felt himself get control of his body again, and his thoughts were slowing down.

His main goal first thing was to open his eyes. He hadn't known weakness for a long time, and it came as a shock at first to feel this weakness. To a normal human being, it would fell like waking up, which takes little energy, but a lot of willpower, on Monday mornings at least. Edward struggled briefly, before he managed to open his eyes wide and look around.

He was surrounded by flowers of every kind, and half expected to see his groupies sobbing and doing whatever they could to help. Instead he saw his family, Ron, Hermione, Bella, and a surly Harry in a straightjacket, tied with multiple ropes to a wheelchair.

"Eddy! You're alive!" squealed Alice, moving in for the hug. The rest followed suit, and Edward felt his strength returning as he sat up.

"What happened?" he asked, looking at everyone questioningly.

"Well Harry tried to…" began Hermione.

"Yeah, yeah. What happened next?" He interrupted

"Well, you looked pretty dead after, but we weren't sure because you survived the Killing Curse once." Said Bella.

"It's Christmas Eve dude. You've been half-dead for two weeks." Said Emmett.

Edward raised his eyebrows, "Well I feel all better now." He began to get out of bed when Carlisle stopped him.

"Um, Eddy, you're in a hospital gown." He said.

Edward stopped, and noticed Alice was holding a big present, "Change into this."

Edward took the present from Alice and opened it, finding an extremely expensive white Velvet Armani tux with diamonds adorning the cuffs, and a bow tie made completely out of ebony beads inlaid with silver.

"Isn't it a bit early for my present?"

"Of course not!" squealed Alice.

Edward shrugged and put the tux to the side, pushing multiple expensive rose bouquets out of the way.

"We've brought Harry here to apologize to you." Said Rosalie, saying his name with unnecessary spite.

"He doesn't have to apologize, I get why he did what he did." Said Edward, smiling at Harry.

"But he hurt you!" squealed Bella, obviously upset with the recent events.

"No he didn't," His family looked at him questioningly, "Really, it felt cool, but no pain." He described the experience to them, and they in turn told him of all the events that had happened. Dumbledore had put an "Ignoring" spell on the entire castle, so that the girls didn't go crazy over the recent events, and so the guys would just…not do anything, I guess. Harry had been questioned by the Ministry of Magic, and had quite suspiciously not penalized Harry for his actions (an event that shall be explained at the end of the story). Harry only had to be stripped of his wand and other objects that could be used for magic for two months.

After telling Edward what had happened in his half-dead state, they left him to let him change into his new tux, since Alice was throwing a pre-Christmas party at the Cullen's London Estate, and Edward needed to be dressed well so he did not contrast with the luxury of their rented Estate.

The only other people coming to the party were some of Emmett's friends from Hufflepuff, along with Fred and George, Rosalie's only really close friend, also from Hufflepuff, Alice brought her best friend from Ravenclaw—who was also the only Ravenclaw who knew what she was talking about when she said "The color of the Versace Spring/Summer Ready-to-wear Collection 2009 is Royal Purple. Jasper as usual didn't bring anyone, and Edward was in a coma, so didn't have time to invite anybody. Ron however had been force to invite the Family by his mother, who wished to meet the Cullens. Esme knew Ron's family was not the wealthiest, so she bought them all very nice outfits, so they would look well dressed along with the rest of the people attending the party.

This time, when they went to the Estate, they travelled by car. The Cullens had to bring all of their many cars to accommodate the guests traveling from the school, as they mostly had Lamborghini's and other expensive cars which usually come as two-seaters. Luckily they had one BMW SUV, which seated six, and had a emerald-studded steering wheel, and gold rims. The ride was shorter than expected, and before anyone knew, they had arrived at the Cullen Estate. They rode up the freshly ploughed driveway, and the Cullens would smile to themselves whenever they saw the guests gawking open-mouthed at the house.

Alice's car was first in the convoy, so she could hop out in her purple Dior coat and open the doors the guests.

If the cars and the outside of the house had impressed the guests, they were more impressed by far by the interior.

Alice had decorated the place with crystal bowls and Swarovski champagne glasses. The theme was green, red and white, and silk ribbon hung between expensive-looking wreaths hung at regular intervals around the room. Alice had also taken the liberty of hiring a string quartet to play music. Bowls of caviar and bottles of champagne were everywhere, along with lobster and crab, and whatever expensive dishes you could imagine.

As the guest settled in, Ron spotted Alice coming his way.

"Ron, I don't see your parents." She said kindly

"Oh, yeah, they're probably late. They're probably not used to the glamour of a party like this and are taking extra time to prepare." Said Ron, stuffing an éclair in his mouth.

"Oh well, this isn't all that glamorous." Alice smiled.

"Excuse me, but you do remember Esme sent them silk gowns and Armani suits, and that wasn't even a Christmas present."

"Well those are hand-me-downs." Alice tittered.

"And you sent them invitations printed on golden cards. I don't even know if that width of gold is even feasible." Said Ron.

"Ah, yes. I know they'll be here any minute." Said Alice. A large CRACK sounded from outside the house, and the string quartet stopped playing for a few moments out of surprise.

"Oh! Why did you leave in such a hurry! My hair probably looks a mess now. Is my dress wrinkled?" said a familiar voice.

"Yup, that's them," said Ron.

"I'm sorry dear, but we are late," said Ron's father.

"I think we'd better go in…oh my goodness! What a house!" said someone who sounded like Fred, or George, or Fred? Well they're twins so it's all good.

"Mum, I hate what you've done with my hair. I look like crap!" said someone who sounded like Charlie.

"Zis house is no better zan my father's house. Iz actually smaller." Said Fleur, whom we all know is married to Bill.

As the guests got over this distraction, the musical doorbell rang. Alice glided to the door to answer it, already knowing whom it was. She opened the door to see Mrs. Weasley wearing one of Esme's old dresses, which had been so politely re-fitted to accommodate Mrs. Weasley's motherly frame. Fred and George were already wealthy and had bought their own clothes, which were matching red silk suits with top hats and diamond canes. Mr. Weasley looked uncomfortable in the expensive materials of Carlisle's old tux. Bill and fleur looked rich in their matching Cullen hand-me-downs, and Charlie looked good apart from the weird creature that could barely be called "hair" on his head.

"Hello. You must be Alice!" said Mrs. Weasley.

"And you must be the Weasley's. Come in please." Said Alice, in her charming Alice way.

"I brought some cake." Said Mrs. Weasley.

"Oh. I see." Said Alice politely, taking the white box from Mrs. Weasley.

The Weasley's went inside and the Cullens introduced themselves.

Charlie had a small crate tucked under his arm, which gave a shake now and then. He walked up to Emmett, "So Fred and George tell me you like dragons."

"Oh yeah. Spent two months in Romania a while back. It's fun." Said Emmett.

Charlie nodded, "Well anyway, I managed to pull some strings, and I have managed to get a baby dragon for you." Charlie held out the crate, "Best to open it outside."

So the two headed out into the backyard, where Emmett played with his baby Hungarian Horntail.

The Weasley parents felt small in the company of the Cullens, and did not do much.

Fred and George spent the time pranking and stuff like that. Harry just sat in a corner getting drunk on champagne. Hermione blended with the crowd, and Ron blended with her.


	18. Chapter 18

Christmas morning.

That morning the students of all houses but Slytherin were surprised that morning. In each common room, an abnormally large Christmas tree had been put up, and on the tree were presents, hanging there, as if they were ornaments. Each present was a different size, and shape, and each was wrapped in different colored paper, and tied with a gold ribbon, with a small, customized card stating whom the present was for, in curling gold letters. Of course there were also presents underneath the tree, but they were from families of the students. Hermione was first to wake up in the Gryffindor house as she had promised to help Alice do the finishing touches on the great hall.

She strolled into the common room, stretching, and yawning, taking no notice of the Christmas tree, as she was still drowsy, and she hadn't brushed her hair yet, so it poofed as only a bead-head can poof, and all she could see was straight ahead of her.

She rubbed her eyes and turned around, "Aah!" she screamed, in surprise, as the great Christmas tree rose in front of her, towering high, and making her wonder how the hell it fit through the door!

The quick thumping of many feet were heard, reacting swiftly to Hermione's scream. About a quarter of the Gryffindor girls spilled into the common room, and a quarter of the Gryffindor guys aswell. As the stood still, marvelling at the enormity of the tree, and wondering how the hell it fit through he door, Mcgonagall stepped out from behind the monstrous tree.

"Do you like it?" she asked them, smiling, and holding a dark red box tied with gold ribbon, with a little card that said "Mcgonagall" in curling gold script.

"Where the bloody hell did _that _come from!" said Seamus Finnigan.

Mcgonagall glanced down at her box, "I got this from off the tree, and you've all got one."

"Not _that_," said Ron, pointing to the tree, "That!"

"Why? Do you like it?" Harry's head popped out from behind the tree.

"Harry, did _you _do this?" asked Hermione.

"Nah, I was just looking for _my _present. The Cullens did this." He said, jumping onto one of the armchairs to look higher up the tree for his present.

"Where are the Cullens? Or Edward?" asked someone.

"They've gone for a trip today, seeing as the sun doesn't agree with them, and they'll be back in time for the party." Said Mcgonagall.

As more people spilled into the common room, they began plucking present, after present, after present, off the tree. Most of these presents were small, yet expensive things, such as expensive golden quills, expensive wand polish with velvet-lined case for the wand, expensive shoes from brand names some didn't even know about, Nimbus 2000's—which had gone down in price drastically now that it was an old model—though most people got the weird, new-fangled creature, everyone was talking about, walking, talking inkwells that corrected your grammar, and functioned as an inkwell too. They were very exclusive, and accepted by Hogwarts teachers, for some reason. It was only after all of the Cullen's gifts were opened when the students began to open their presents from home.

As the gifts were removed from the tree, it began to look rather drab, but as the last gift was removed from the tree, a strange powder, almost like snow, spilled from the large star crowning the tree, transforming the tree into a well decorated, gold and red cone, and where the present from home once were, a lovely little replica of the Hogwarts Express, formed below the tree, on a large, circular track, complete with landscaping, a tunnel, and a model station, along with a scale model of Hogwarts.

The morning was bright and cheery, and at breakfast, the Slytherins sat sulking and staring with jealousy at the other houses, which laughed, and showed off their gifts to each other. The day was a gigantic-snowball-fight-free day, with a visit to Hogsmeade, where Fred and George were there, and they were getting drunk and flirting with the Girls from Hogwarts, and Ron had to drag them away before they resorted to love potion. Hermione stayed at the castle, to finish up the great hall with Alice absent, due to an over sensitivity to the sunny day. At lunch, Neville's new pet inkwell was going on a tantrum; it began following him around and correcting his grammar as he talked with his friends, and Neville threatened to throw it off the castle if it didn't shut up.

Ron grabbed cookie, after tree shaped cookie off the pile in front of him, arranged in the form of a Christmas tree. "These cookies," munch, munch, "Are the best…I've," munch, "Ever had." Said Ron, though his words sounded muffled with his full mouth of cookies.

"Ron, save some room, there's going to be more food tonight." Said Hermione, removing cookies from Ron's pocket.

"Yeah, I know," he said, "But will there be cookies?"

"I'll arrange for cookies to be made."

And with that, Ron didn't eat until that night.

Speaking of that night, nobody had seen Dumbledore, Hagrid, or the Cullens since the day before, and nobody had a clue where they were that night, the party was about to begin, and they were nowhere to be seen.

Harry hurried along the hall, as the party was about to begin, quickly tying his bowtie to his white tux he had worn as James Bond for Halloween. Glancing at his watch, he noticed he had plenty of time, and practiced his James Bond strut. Soon he reached an all too familiar stretch of hallway, where Moaning Myrtle had taken over the toilets. He didn't have fond memories of this place, and walked quickly to get far away. But he heard something as he passed by the doorway.

"I hate him, and I want vengeance." Said a girl's voice.

"Yes, tee toi, we all want vengeance," said another familiar voice.

"He embarrassed me in front of the whole school, they BOTH did." Said a menacing girl's voice.

"So tonight, you will get your vengeance, on _both _of them. All you need to do is…"

Harry dropped his wand, and it fell far more noisily than he would expect. The voices stopped, and Harry bent to pick up his wand, and walked loudly away, to make it sound as if he had left. Standing at a bit of a distance, he listened again.

"Good, it's gone. As I was saying, all you need to do is, throw a tantrum. For whatever reason, and attack him, then I will come and finish the job while you distract…" muffled, "and it will all go off without a hitch, hoity-toi, or my name isn't…" muffled.

He heard someone coming out from the bathroom, and he ran as silently as he could to the great hall.

He was late. The party had already begun, though the Cullens, along with Hagrid, were nowhere to be seen. Dumbledore had dressed up as Santa for the occasion, and Snape wore the pink robes he had received from Alice. The decorations were fantastic, and a spell had been cast upon the room to make mistletoe appear randomly above unsuspecting heads. Harry laughed as one bundle appeared over Ron and Neville, who had begun some kind of cookie-eating competition. Harry walked with his well-rehearsed strut over to one table, where Dobby the House Elf had volunteered to serve drinks. He wore the classic, green and red suit often worn by Santa's elves—apparently—and was serving fancy drinks. Harry smiled, and walked up to the table, which was laden with bottles of every shape and size.

"One dry martini, shaken not stirred." He said, smiling.

Dobby beamed, "Mr. Potter. SO good to see you again."

"Thanks, Dobby, goo to see you. What kind of Martini's do you have?"

"Well, not really any, actually. I have Martini glasses, but no Martinis." He said, holding up a crystal Martini glass.

"Oh," said Harry, "Then give me the fanciest drink you've got, in a Martini glass."

"One Pumpkin Juice Supreme coming up." He swiftly whisked out a martini shaker, and poured a cup of pumpkin juice in it, a cup of Butterbeer, a spoonful of some unidentifiable gold powder, ground ice, some kind of purple syrup, closed it, shook, then opened and added some more strange ingredients, including a substance that looked somewhat poisonous, all green and fumy, some more pumpkin juice, chopped rose petals, and the ashes of a burnt Hippogryph feather. Dobby juggled it with one hand as he grabbed a Martini glass. When he poured out the contents, it turned out it be clear and purple-ish. Dobby tossed in an olive and held it out to Harry. Harry raised an eyebrow, and hesitantly took the glass. He held it to his nose, and sniffed. It smelt rather good, and Harry reluctantly took a sip.

"This is absolutely delicious! I would ask what it's made of, but I'm afraid of knowing what some of the ingredients were," said Harry, taking a large gulp of his "Martini"

"Your welcome Mr. Potter. I invented it. The green fumy stuff is…"

"It's okay, Dobby, I'd rather not know." Said Harry, continuing to sip at his drink, "It was nice meeting you again." And with that he sat in one of the fancy chairs scattered about, and watched as the next song came on, a Waltz. The boys grumbled and forced smiles, while the girls beamed and enthusiastically forced the boys to dance.

"What the hell is that drink made of?" asked Bella. Harry looked beside him quickly, spotting Bella in a new white gown and gloves, obviously a gift from Edward.

"Oh," said Harry, realising what she'd asked, "I have no clue, and I don't want to know. It'll probably poison me anyway, but it tastes good."

"Really, where'd you get it?"

Harry pointed, "Over there where Dobby is, in the elf costume."

"Oh, you know him?"

"Yeah, I helped free him, long story. If you want one of these, just go and ask for the fanciest drink he's got."

"Um, maybe later," she said, "I was actually wondering if you'd want to dance."

Harry raised an eyebrow, "What about Edward?"

"I'm sure he'll be fine with it. He'll be here soon now that the sun has set. He's been at the Estate."

"Oh," said Harry, "Well then I'd love to dance."

He quickly gulped down the last of his Martini, and gave the glass back to Dobby with a satisfied burp. The next two songs were waltzes, and they danced both of them, then both went to Dobby so Bella could try the strange, purple drink. As they sat in the fancy chairs, chatting and sipping, Dumbledore stepped up, and everyone stopped dancing along with the music, and all eyes were on Dumbledore for his imminent speech.

"Students of Hogwarts, teachers of…" the greeting is long, "…the reasons for this speech, are not _just _to wish you all a happy holiday, Merry Christmas, and all that. I would also like to present to you…Dessert!"

The great doors of the great hall swung open, to reveal an enormous silver and gold cake, with a base the size of a bed, with two more layers rising up, crowned with a model of Hogwarts, made completely out of icing. It was adorned with wreaths made of icing, and around the second layer was a 3D model—constructed of icing—of the Hogwarts Express, spiralling up to the giant castle up top. The rest of the cake was decorated with numerous 3D magical creatures, a Santa, and blah, blah, blah.

But it was the Cullens who carried in the cake, hoisting it on their shoulders effortlessly, and looking very out-of-place in flowing gowns, tuxedos, and high-heels. Hagrid followed them in, yelling at the students to move, as the Cullens reached the centre of the great hall, and lowered the cake.

"If you wish for a slice of cake, merely ask Hagrid to cut you a slice."

The Party continued on, barely noticing the newfound presence of the Cullens, in the shadow of the Leviathan creation. The Mistletoe continued to trap unsuspecting couples, the dancing went on, the eating went on, and Dobby dispensed many more of his uber-drinks.

Bella sat, sipping her third uber-drink of the night, chatting with Edward.

"You're not still angry with Harry, are you?" asked Bella.

"Nah, never was." He said, staring into space, which was taken up by the cake.

Bella leaned back and spotted a bundle of pale green Mistletoe hanging in midair,  
"Well would you look at that, Mistletoe."

"I don't believe in Mistletoe," Said Edward.

Bella smiled, "Well don't you think it's time to start believing?"

Edward shrugged, "I guess."

And you can _all _guess what happened then.

Meanwhile, Cho was walking to Dobby's table for an uber-drink, when she spotted Edward and Bella…expressing themselves underneath the mistletoe.

She stormed over, "Are you doing this just to spite me!" she screamed.

They stopped kissing and Edward looked at Cho, "What?"

"THAT!" said Cho, forcing tears to increase drama, "I know you hate me and I hat you, but have enough respect to SNOG somewhere ELSE!" She splashed her uber-drink in Edward's face and continued to throw a tantrum at Edward, then turning to Bella and calling her a slut, and other word that can't be uttered on TV, though this isn't TV so…

"You stupid Bitch! You f**king piece of shit!" she screamed, pulling her fancy hairdo apart and choosing to kick Edward—*sigh* bad idea. Cho screamed and hopped up and down as her foot broke with a sickening CRUNCH! She screamed, accusing Edward of hitting her. As the teachers struggled to calm down Cho, a great Squelch sounded through the room, as the great cake exploded, to reveal a leprechaun! Covered head to toe in icing and cake bits, he quickly called "Hoity-toi" and in response, the magic rainbow carpet burst through the great doors, leaving them splintered and broken. Voldemort leapt onto the rainbow as it zoomed past, and let out an evil, "Fiddly-dee!" that would have chilled the heart of even a mountain troll.

He whizzed past the crowd of turning heads, and Harry threw his uber-drink to the side, whisked out his wand, and screamed "Accio Edward's broomstick!" He leapt to the floor as the rainbow grazed his hair, and a great CRACK sounded as another hole broke through the great doors, and Edward's Jingleheimer Schmidt rushed his way. Harry only barely managed to grab it before it hit his face. He leapt onto Edward's broomstick as Voldemort was coming back for a second swipe. Harry dodged again as he came for another hit. Harry looked around for a weapon, and saw, through the hole in the door, one of the decorative suits of armour, and dove for the large gape left by the rainbow, using all the flying skill he could muster to fetch the two swords off the armour. _Oh shit, _thought Harry, knowing he had no experience in sword fighting. He wrapped his legs tightly around the broom once he was back through the hole in the door, and he took a sword in each hand, charging at Voldemort as he laughed leprechaunishly, brandishing the cooking knife. Harry tucked the long hilt of the sword under his arm and held tight, prepared for impact.

BANG! A dented steel baseball bat collided with the leprechaun's head. Edward prepare for the retaliation of the leprechaun, flying about the great hall on a Jingleheimer Schmidt, engraved in gold with the name "Rosalie" on the handle.

"Thanks Eddy, DUCK!" yelled Harry, over the chorus of screams coming from the students fleeing. But Edward was too late, the leprechaun shamed into his head, and Edward spun upside down on his broom, hanging on with one hand. He swung back up and down to where Dobby was trying to salvage his expensive ingredients. Edward scooped up an armful of Martini shakers and glasses, and flew towards the leprechaun, throwing martini glass, after Martini glass at Voldemort. Harry rushed to join the fight, stabbing at the Leprechaun though only stabbing his hat. He used his other sword and slashed at the carpet, hoping to break it, but what _can _you do to harm a rainbow? He spun out of control trying to stab at him again, and stabbed one of his swords into the wood of the door, so he could take out his wand again.

He flew towards the blur that was Edward and Voldemort battling with the same Star Wars-like agility, Harry pointed his wand, and screamed, "EAT PETUNIAS!" A burst of purple light shot from his wand, only to be dodged by the green, cackling blur that was supposed to receive it. Edward joined in with Harry's spell casting, and purple beams of light shot everywhere, like the lasers in Star Wars. Finally, one of their "lasers" hit the enchanted rainbow, and it burst into Skittles candy, and Voldemort tumbled down. He landed on his feet, and ran, with unnatural speed out the hole left by Edward's broom. Edward and Harry landed quickly to pursue him on foot.


	19. Chapter 19

They ran, chasing the green blur disappearing around the corner, but the leperchaun was too fast, and they lost sight of it when they turned the corner.

"Oh crap, we lost him." Said Edward, turning around to face Harry, who had fallen behind.

"No we haven't, look at this!" Harry pointed to a thin trail of gold, glittery shamrocks that were floating down from the trail the leperchaun was flying.

They followed it, but they could only see it in the light, and they soon came to a stretch of hallway that was illuminated only by the pale moonlight coming from the tall windows on one side of the hall. They lost the trail, but concluded that he must have gone through the hallway here, and they ran across, until they came to a well-lit hallway, but the trail of sparkles was gone.

"_Now _we've lost him." Said Edward.

A short green blur appeared far down the corridor, and was rushing towards them, zigzagging rapidly like a bee. Edward lunged for the blur as it came close, and the Green Blur screamed a girlish scream.

"Alice!" said Harry, surprised when he saw Edward pinning down his sister. She was wearing a green blouse and black skinny jeans, along with a pair of high-heeled green stingray-skin boots.

"Edward! Get off! You'll wrinkle the shirt!" screamed Alice, shoving him with one hand, and sending him flying into the wall. She stood up and dusted of her blouse, taking her ever-present mirror from her pocket, and flicking her perfect hair back into place.

Edward stood up, apparently unharmed, "Sorry Alice, we thought you were a leprechaun."

"I AM NOT A LEPERCHAUN!" she screamed, as the other Cullens arrived, with Ron, Hermione, and Bella in tow. The Cullens had all apparently changed out of their dance outfits already, but Hermione and Bella still wore their overdone hair and makeup, and Ron still had his hair gelled back the way Alice had so forcefully gelled it back.

"We lost the leprechaun," Said Edward.

"Oh perfect. Now how are we supposed to find it!" said Jasper, frustrated and surprisingly emotional for the moment. Everyone stared at him for a moment, "What? I haven't said anything in a while."

"Um I think I might know…something…about…um…where he might be." Said Harry. They all looked at him with expressions that read _you moron, why didn't you say something earlier?_

"Moaning Myrtle's bathroom." Said Edward, as if he had read Harry's mind. Harry was about to question this, but the Cullens quickly began running, and the rest struggled to keep up. They followed the labyrinth of halls and stairs, until they reached the dark, eerie hallway, constantly haunted by Moaning Myrtle. They approached the doorway to the girl's bathroom.

"Oh! Nobody cares!" said the high-pitched whiny voice. The troupe pressed themselves against the wall, "They've started playing the game again. They've been throwing books at me. They don't care! I hate this place! I wish I could die…again!"

"It's just Myrtle." whispered Harry, creeping towards the doorway. Rosalie pushed him back against the wall with her finger, and hissed angrily at him, "If this is _really _where that _thing_ is hiding, don't blow our cover."

"Fine! I'll use my stupid invisibility cloak." He pulled a small, tightly wrapped packet out of his pocket. Emmett raised an eyebrow. "I keep it on me at all times." Said Harry. He undid the tiny ribbon holding it all in place, and the packet almost exploded with the pressure being released. The silky, sparkling cloak rolled out to full length, and Harry pulled it over his shoulders.

"Maybe Alice should go, she's small and inconspicuous," said Jasper.

"I don't think it's there right now, at least, not anywhere we can see." Said Alice, strutting through the doorway, and into the bathroom. They followed her, trying to stop her, but it wasn't that far from the door to the room.

There was no leperchaun there, to everyone's relief, only moaning Myrtle.

"Myrtle, have you seen a leperchaun?" asked Harry.

Myrtle was sitting on top of a stall, staring dreamily in the direction of Edward.

"Myrtle!" said Harry, clapping his hands loudly.

Her head snapped towards him, "Oh, Harry, I didn't notice you, I was…distracted…" her eyes drifted back towards Edward.

"Myrtle!" yelled Harry.

"What?" said Myrtle.

"Have you seen a leperchaun?"

Myrtle sat up snobbishly, folding her arms, "Maybe."

Harry rolled his eyes, "Oh come on."

"Okay, yes, I did see one."

"Where'd he go?"

"I'm not telling you, unless…" she said smiling.

"Unless?"

"Unless the reincarnated Cedric Diggory gives me a kiss." Said Myrtle, giggling.

Edward rolled his eyes, "You have _no _idea how many times I hear that, and anyway, I can't kiss you."

"Oh and why is that?" said moaning Myrtle, swooping down from her perch, nose to nose with Edward, "Is it because I'm ugly! Or maybe because I spend all my time in the loo, and must be crawling with disease! Or maybe it's because you can't stand to be around a whiny, annoying girl like me! Or you're just a cold-hearted SNOB!"

"No, it's not that." He said, backing away, "You're a _ghost_. I can't kiss a ghost."

Myrtle sniffed, and swooped back up to her perch, "Then I'm afraid I can't tell you."

"Fine, we'll have to figure it out ourselves." Said Hermione, already beginning her search for some kind of hidden door. They hurried themselves about the bathroom. Emmett began punching the bricks on the walls to see if they opened any secret passageways. All he came up with was dust. Jasper tossed Alice in the air to see if she could spot anything out of the ordinary, and the rest busied themselves in a similar fashion, but Ron just stood by the sinks.

"You know we probably won't find anything, by just punching the walls. If I were you, I'd check the Chamber of Secrets. That's the only secret place that I know of." Said Ron, eating a cookie.

Rosalie raised her eyebrows, "Wow, for a low metabolism, D- average student that was actually smart."

"Harry, try the faucet," said Hermione. Harry walked to the sinks and put his hand on the snake-shaped faucet. He started hissing in parseltongue, and everyone leaned in with anticipation. Harry finished, and stepped back, expecting the soft rumble of the entryway opening.

Nothing.

He tried again.

Nothing.

Again.

Nothing.

"Oh it's no use," Ron said, leaning on the faucet, "we'll never catch that hoity-toi leprechaun. I'd like to hoity-toitily wring his little hoity-toity neck…" a rumble came from the sink, and Ron stepped back quickly, dropping his cookie. The sinks moved out of the way, to reveal the vertical shaft leading down to the Chamber of Secrets. They all stared.

"Wow Ron, you speak leprechaun," said Emmett.

A soft hissing like someone breathing came from the chamber, and up wafted a perfume of lavender Febreze.

"Whoa" said Ron, leaning in to smell the scent. As he was about to topple in, Hermione pulled him back.

"So now what do we do?" said Harry.

"I think the leprechaun went in there." Said Emmett.

"And how on earth are we all going to get down _there_. We don't even know how deep it goes." Said Bella.

"That's okay. I'll get my Dolce & Gabbana spelunking gear and a few extra meters of rope." Said Alice, scurrying off with Jasper in tow.

"Dolce & Gabbana makes spelunking gear?" asked Bella.

"Only if you order it specially." Said Edward.

And so they all leaned in smelling the Febreze, and waiting for Alice to return with her spelunking gear. What she's doing with that at school, I don't know.


	20. Chapter 20

Alice was fast, too fast, and arrived—to Harry's surprise—mere minutes from leaving. The gear was deep purple with gold thread woven into the purple cords. The harness was Italian leather which fastened with buckles the shape of D&G. Alice had multiple harnesses, along with haute couture helmets with odd crystal detailing. The sets also came with tailored cave-diving suits, and rubber boots—you could tell which set belonged to alice by the fact that her boots were high heels. She only had five sets, one for each member of her family attending Hogwarts.

"Okay, who's going first?" she said, holding out a helmet.

Everyone was silent.

"I'll go," volumteered Bella.

"No Bella, it's too dangerous." Said Edward commandingly.

"Oh _everything_'s too dangerous with you." Said Bella, crossing her arms like an angry toddler.

"Then I'll go," said Hermione. She reached for the helmet

"NO!" said Ron jumping to try and knock the helmet from Alice's iron grip. He ricocheted off and onto the ground.

"Ron! Are you all right?" asked Hermione, helping Ron up.

"It's too dangerous, you're not going!" said Ron, in as manly a way as he could muster—which isn't much.

"Oh don't be such an Edward." Said Hermione, taking the helmet from Alice.

"Fine, then I'm going with you."

Alice handed them both a set, and Ron grimaced at the girlish crystal detailing, saying it was ugly, and in return Alice scolded him for badmouthing Dolce and Gabbana. Emmett hammered a pike into the floor of the washroom with his fist and looped the strong cord around it.

"Why do we need cord if we're cave diving?" asked Harry.

"Well I knew we'd have to get down the shaft, so I borrowed some items from my D&G mountain climbing gear." Said Alice with a smile.

"I still don't understand why you have mountain climbing gear." Said Hermione.

"well...we like to go camping a lot...in the mountains."

"Why keep it at school?"

"We like...scaling the walls...of the school...at night...with the permission of Dumbledore."

Hermione nodded slowly in confusion, and continued to put on Rosalie's fitted spelunking suit—as she was to big for alice's, and even if she wore hers, she wouldn't wear the matching high heel boots, and Alice wouldn't accept the clashing colors of Rosalie's boots and Alice's suit. Hermione fit well into Rosalie's suit, even if it was a bit tight at the waist and a bit loose above the waist. Ron wore Jasper's suit, which fit well but not perfectly.

They stood on the edge of the shaft leading down into the fragrant home of the Lord o' ye Leprechauns.

"Okay, Emmett, lower me down." Said Hermione. He fed her cord and she slowly receded down the shaft. There was a soft, squishy THUMP, and she called up, "Okay, i'm down."

"Okay, I-I'm c-coming down" stuttered Ron, who was afraid of the dark, on account of spiders being able to hide in the dark.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" screamed Hermione.

"Hermione?" Ron turned around and the clasp connecting the cord to the harness broke, and he tumbled down into the dark.

"Oh shit!" said Emmett, pulling up the cord to examine the broken clasp, "Oh you're a genius Alice."

"What?"

"You ordered the clasp in solid gold! Gold is too soft to carry his weight!"

"Well I didn't think he was that fat!"

"Okay, now you know."

They all called out for Ron and Hermione into the shaft, but soon they started to feel drowsy from all the Febreze floating up from the shaft.

"Whoa, fe-febreze...it's not supposed...to make you drowsy." Bella yawned.

"Come on, we have to tell Dumbledore abou this, he'll know what to do." Said Harry.

"What can dumbledore do? He's gay." Said Rosalie.

"Really?"

"Yeah"

"Wow. I would have never guessed."

"So now what do we do?" said Bella.

"Tell Dumbledore even if he _is_ gay."

Later that day, in Dumbledore's office:

"Hmmm..." thought Dumbledore.

"So what do you think happened?" asked Harry

"I don't know, you haven't told me the story yet. I was just thinking about 7 across in this crossword. Who won Best Actress at something called the Academy Awards?"

"Kate Winslet, now can you please help us?" said Alice

"How do you spell that?"

"K-A-T-E-W-I-N-S-L-E-T!"

"Ah, perfect. So, what was it you needed?"

So they told him what happened in the washroom.

"I see..." he said, in the contemplative way that he had mastered, "Well you're on your own Harry."

"What? Why?"

"Well for five years you've seen these types of situations, and you always manage to scrape by in some magical way, and this time you have five vam..."

Edward gave him a dirty look.

"...new friends, to help you along." He smiled . A long awkward silence ensued, broken only by Fawkes the pheonix bursting into flames.

"Well now, If you'll excuse me, my new pheonix is ready."

They turned and walked away, down the moving staircase to the walked in silence, in a straight line, with no idea of where to go.

"What do we do now?" asked Harry.

"I don't know." Said Alice. The rest of her family raised their eyebrows in panic.

"But Alice, if you don't know, who will?" said Jasper quickly. It wasn't clear whether he was panicking or not, his voice always sounded rushed and tense.

"I just can't see...guess what will...what we can do, yet." Said Alice, fiddling nervously with the gold buttons on her jacket.

"We'll need to go down there after them." Said Harry.

"We'll need more spelunking gear. I have the full set at the London estate." Said Alice.

So they all went down to the dungeons, where the Cullens kept their precious cars, away from prying eyes and fingerprints. They decided to take Emmett's Jeep, and Edward's Volvo. Harry had never understood this underground garage. It was small, as it only had to accomodate so many cars at once, and all _those _cars belonged to some of the teachers, who lived in the muggle world. But now that the Cullens had arrived, it was quite packed. Luckily they only kept _some_ of their cars there. The few cars belonging to teachers were crowded in a corner, while the luxurious array of cars from the Cullen family were kept polished and spotless. They had used up a wall for a gigantic tool set, and in their spare time, they would polish their cars.

The garage had a narrow exit, only wide enough for one car at a time. It was lit by light bulbs, unlike the rest of the castle, and went on for what seemed like forever, until it finally ended at an opening beside the lake. Hogwarts was far from the estate, so Emmett and Edward decided to go 200 (Km/h because this is in england, and they use the metric system). Luckily the police did not patrol this particular part of the road, and they made their way speedily towards the estate.


End file.
